Category Archives: Happiness
The importance of friendship is something we all take for granted sometimes. We often are reminded of the value of our friends when the chips are down and we need someone to be in our corner.
My Granddad always said the quality of one’s friends was the single-best indicator of the quality of one’s life. Granddad had a three-tier model for the things that bring us joy. Granddad believed that things like money, power, security, a nice house or flashy car were deceptive “middlemen” – things that we often mistake for happiness – but rarely bring more than fleeting joy.
Granddad populated the second tier with things within ourselves such as our degree of autonomy, self-reliance, confidence and self-discipline. All of which, in Granddad’s opinion, could restore money, power or a home when these things are inevitably lost in a heartbeat – whether via lawsuit, accident, old age, natural disaster, economic collapse, false accusation or hundreds of other seemingly random events in life.
What Granddad placed on the his top tier . . . is the value that friends bring into our lives. A true friend brings us comfort, a sounding board, someone to spend downtime with, someone who shares in our thoughts and dreams, a person to laugh or cry with, a trusted source of wisdom and advice . . . and the list goes on and on. We all need people with whom we can share our deepest secrets and reveal our truest self.
In C.S. Lewis’ novel The Great Divorce the master penman creates a setting where Hell is a place where every human being is completely isolated from everybody else – with the next closest human being miles away. C.S. Lewis makes a compelling case that Hell is not a place of steam, magma and blazing infernos as we have been taught. Rather The Great Divorce postulates that Hell is instead any place where Humans lack companionship and friendship.
Every now and again you will find that you face a problem which seems overwhelming. Having a great friend or companion is often the difference between facing great depression and laughing at the challenge you face. This is true whether the issue is financial, a problem with your significant other, a complex issue affecting your career, or a fight with your kids or parents.
The best parts of life are those that contain your richest laughter. Friends are usually a part of those moments. The more and closer friends one maintains, the more laughter and joy you are likely to experience. Reach out to a friend today and tell them you love them.
“The best things in life are free. It is important never to lose sight of that. So look around you. Wherever you see friendship, loyalty, laughter and love…there is your treasure.” — Neale Donald Walsch
You can exist without friends; but you cannot truly live without them.
“I AM RESPONSIBLE!”
These three words will change your life if you let them.
Simply declare, “I am responsible!” and you liberate yourself from negative emotions, begin taking control of your life, and short-circuit and cancel out any negative emotions you may be experiencing. It doesn’t matter how long those negative emotions have unlawfully detained your thoughts, emotions, and well-being. The moment you declare, “I am responsible!” their reign of terror is ended as certainly as chopping down a tree results in its fruit dying.
Without saying “I am responsible!” to negative emotions; no progress is possible. Once you start saying “I am responsible!” to negative emotions, there are no limits to what you can be, do, have and become!
There is no such thing as a justified resentment.
There is no such thing as a justified resentment. Nice people suck and are lonely. Be kind — hated by some — but beloved by those who really matter. You can rationalize all day long — or you can be successful — but not both. Blaming and complaining send the message to your subconscious that it can be idle since you are waiting for someone else to get their act together. Accepting 100% responsibility demands the most out of your two most powerful motivators: Your subconscious mind and your emotions.
Saying “I am responsible!” whenever you start to feel upset frees you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to begin channeling your energies and enthusiasm into a productive response to those negative emotions. Being 100% responsible propels you in an entirely different, and completely fulfilling, direction.
Accepting 100% responsibility propels you towards the abundant life of your dreams.
Declaring “I am responsible!” is the Truth. Blaming your parents is a lie. Complaining about your education is a lie. Justifying your poor behavior because of your job, or boss, or lack of money: Lie, lie, lie. Rationalizing based on your religion, or pastor, or the gossip queen two rows down on the left: Three more lies. I AM RESPONSIBLE!
That is The Truth. And The Truth shall set you free!
No one else is responsible for your life: You are!
No one can hold you back or make decisions for you: Only you can!
So make this decision right now! “I AM RESPONSIBLE!”
Make this decision right now! – “I AM RESPONSIBLE!”
And then make this decision: “SINCE I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE, I COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE ABUNDANT LIFE OF MY DREAMS A REALITY! I NEITHER QUIT NOR BLAME OTHERS. FOR I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE AND I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS A REALITY!”
“SINCE I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE, I COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE ABUNDANT LIFE OF MY DREAMS A REALITY! I NEITHER QUIT NOR BLAME OTHERS. FOR I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE AND I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS A REALITY!”
To your freedom,
Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht. spent her valuable time reviewing this series of posts for us and making them better. As you know, she is a beloved hypnotherapist. Take action now to become one of those clients who is always raving about the immediate and lasting change Dawnmarie ushered into their life. Contact her now to set up your appointment at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com, or review her website at dreamconversions.net. Dawnmarie will help you even if you don’t live in Los Angeles. Her telephone appointments are just as effective as her in-office meetings. Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!
We know we can be victorious over negative emotions by remaining on guard against the four types of Trojan Horses in which they hide. In Part II we discussed Justification and Rationalization. In this post we look at the remaining two Trojan Horses of Emotional Apocalypse.
Trojan Horses of Emotional Apocalypse
3. Blaming and Complaining. As humans, our penchant is to blame (and then usually complain about) situations, occurrences, and people for the circumstances of our life. Doing so is analogous to owning a large fruit orchard. I need to constantly remain cognizant of the kind of fruit my orchard is producing. When I find a particular tree is growing nothing but Blame Apples, Gripe Vines, Complaint-ains; I need to chop down that tree. The moment I sever the trunk, I irrevocably extinguish the ability of its fruit to survive. Sure, some fruit may survive for a few days or perhaps a week… but the fruit will die in short order and no new fruit will take its place. Accordingly, when you notice you are blaming, griping, or complaining, you must identify the cause and set your saw or axe to work immediately. Otherwise, you risk the disease spreading to the rest of your orchard.
4. Hypersensitivity. Being empathetic and compassionate is good. Being hyper-empathetic and hyper-compassionate is not. That is what “nice” people do. Nice people are generally the ones afflicted with the disease of hypersensitivity.
“Being nice?” you may question, “What is wrong with being nice?” Am I not supposed to “be nice?” Weren’t Moses, Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad, the Buddha, Martin Luther, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., and most other great revolutionary leaders “nice”?
The emphatic answer is: NO!
None of them were nice!
One cannot be a revolutionary – – and be ‘nice’? If you disagree, you might be confusing ‘nice’ with ‘kind’ – just as I did for most of my life. But ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ are definitely not synonyms.
Niceness v. Kindness
Niceness is a personality trait. Kindness is a feature of one’s character.
Niceness is a self-serving, self-protecting bunker in which a coward hides — hoping that by not offending anyone they will be liked.
Kindness, on the other hand, is others-centered. A kind person will not hesitate to challenge unjust practices and put deceitful people on blast. A kind person knows that what they stand up for will undoubtedly cause them suffering, ridicule, and to be hated by many. The kind person speaks and acts against injustice simply because it is the right thing to do. The kind person does so at great personal expense. The kind person does so anyway.
A nice person would never do such a thing, because a nice person is all about themselves. A nice person is not about others, as they usually claim to be. A nice person agrees with others’ because they have no backbone. A nice person don’t want to offend – even when someone is behaving offensively. A nice person complies to avoid confrontation – even when someone or something needs to be confronted.
The nice person is a coward who hides who they really are, hoping to be loved. Unfortunately, the nice person lives in self-delusion by this hope. How can one ever be loved, if one never shows the world who they really are? How can one even love or respect themselves . . . if they never stand up for what they believe? So while another fake person may grow to ‘love’ the nice person’s illusory facade; no one can ever truly love the nice person because they only ever reveal their fake exterior to the world.
The kind person, on the other hand, strolls through the world unafraid. The kind person knows they will be hated by most people they encounter because they speak their truth and stand against the forces of deception and tyranny. But in doing so, the kind person will always be beloved by the few who would see this planet become a better place: a world filled with peace, joy, truth, love, justice and understanding.
Our deep appreciation goes to Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht. for her valuable time she contributed to making this blog series better. We thank her for her review, depth of knowledge, and insightful comments and edits. Ms. Presley’s hypnotherapy clients rave about the changes she ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had the progress you desire – or as rapidly as you want — contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com. New clients invariably experience lasting change in a session or two. It doesn’t matter if you don’t live in Los Angeles as Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are just as effective as in-office visits. Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!
NOTE: this is Part II. Click for Part III or Part IV. Click the following link to read Part I of this post: “Three Words Guaranteed to Instantly Banish Negative Emotions”
As we discussed in Part I, happiness is a constant when we are daily engaged in work that excites us, helps others, is worthy of our time and energy, and moves us towards achieving our Life Purpose. It is a fallacy to believe we are “less happy” or “unhappy” or even that our happiness fluctuates all that much. What is actually occurring is that our ability to feel that happiness is being dissipated or overcome by one or more of the “six negative” emotions — fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and/or rage.
It is shockingly simple to remove the offending negative emotion(s) when we consciously identify that one or more of the “negative six” is interfering with our ability to experience happiness. Once we remove the negative emotion(s) we rapidly return to a state of happiness.
These “negative six” emotions are easy to identity and manage once you understand how they infiltrate our emotions. The “negative six” camouflage themselves and attempt to enter your psyche undetected inside a host container, which we will call a “Trojan Horse.”
(Referenced in Homer’s Odyssey, the Trojan Horse tale depicts the Greek army unsuccessfully besieging the city of Troy. For ten years, the virtually unassailable wall encircling Troy protected the city. Trojan warriors atop the wall could rain arrows down upon invaders while virtually no return fire could reach them. After a decade, the Greek general, Odysseus, had enough. Odysseus ordered his army to construct a trophy acknowledging Troy’s battle superiority: a gigantic, beautiful, wooden horse. After building the Horse, the entire Greek army sailed away in defeat. The elated Trojans pulled the colossal horse into their city and the celebration began! The victory was hollow, however, because the horse was hollow, too. Under cover of darkness, the Grecian soldiers hiding inside crept out and opened the gates for the Greek army — who had sailed back to Troy under cover of darkness. The Greek army entered the city and easily defeated the partied-out city of Troy.
Today, we use the metaphor “Trojan Horse” to describe a ploy where a victim is duped into allowing something unwanted into a susceptible region. Trojan Horse viruses, for instance, infiltrate computers by hiding inside apparently useful software or email. Once the malicious program slips past the computer’s defenses, however, the rogue binary code is unleashed.)
How many of us would choose to feel fearful, jealous, or inferior if these emotions just rolled up to us, announced their presence, and asked to be let into our psyche? “Hell, no!” we would scream as we rained arrows down from our elevated position, easily defeating them.
The “negative six” emotions rarely come at us openly and directly for just this reason. They, like Odysseus’ army, utilize Trojan Horses instead. But Trojan Horses are easily defeated because they rely on a complete lack of perception on the part of their victim to have any chance of success. Had a single soldier in Troy recognized the trap, the result would have been much different. Instead of the destruction of Troy, Troy would have easily captured two dozen of Greece’s finest warriors. This result would have also ended the war — but with Troy the victor!
You, too, can easily be victorious when facing negative emotions. All that is required is remaining watchful for potential Trojan Horses. Negative emotions only employ four basic types of Trojan Horses. Once you are aware of these four, you will be able to instantly spot them trying to infiltrate your emotions and rob you of your peace of mind and happiness.
The Four Trojan Horses of Emotional Apocalypse
1. Justification. A human’s default setting is happiness. I can only experience negative emotions for the length of time that I tell myself I am entitled to feel them. The moment I quit justifying the negative emotion is the moment it the moment it is expelled. Soon, my happiness has “miraculously” returned. Be a ruthless landlord of your emotions. As soon as you notice some unsavory characters hanging around the apartment complex of your heart, mind and soul – begin the eviction process by examining why you are justifying the emotion(s). Try to remember that you are the one feeling crappy; not the event, situation, or other person. Do you really want to continue feeling fearful or inferior or rage, while they remain completely unaffected? Remove the justification, and you remove the negative emotion(s) automatically.
2. Rationalization. When I rationalize, I am trying to offer a socially-acceptable reason for my unacceptable behavior. That is all I am doing. I am making up an elaborate fairy tale in my head in hopes it will excuse my poor behavior. Even if this worked, it is a lot of energy expended to explain my ill-actions . . . even though I still know that I am wrong. What is worse, though, is that it never works. People always see through our elaborate rationalizations. So don’t waste your time and energy. If you were in the wrong, just admit it. Your happiness is at stake here, remember?
Click here for Part III or Part IV in this series, or click return to Part I. If you would like to be notified each time we publish a new post, feel free to “follow” us by clicking the follow button to the right.
To your happiness,
I want to thank Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht., for her valuable time, wisdom and contributions to this series of posts. Ms. Presley is an incredible hypnotherapist. Her clients rave about the changes she ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had yet seen the results you desire, contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com. She usually helps new clients experience permanent change in a session or two. Don’t live in Los Angeles? It doesn’t matter: Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are just as effective as her in-office visits. Call Dawnmarie or visit her website at dreamconversions.net and get your life back on track today!
We all want to be happy. We intuitively understand that the positive emotion of happiness is a by-product of living a purposeful, productive, fulfilling life. And, this, in turn, produces a life abundant with peace of mind, joy, truth, and love. You probably also know that if you are living a purposeful, productive life there are only six basic barriers to happiness: the negative emotions of fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and rage.
The six basic barriers to happiness are the negative emotions of fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and rage.
We often envision happiness in terms of it fluctuating up and down like the temperature outdoors. But that is an inaccurate model of how humans actually experience happiness. Once a human is purposefully engaged in a productive venture — happiness exists. If you feel that your work helps others and is worthy of your daily effort — your happiness does not fluctuate much at all. What is actually happening when I feel less happy than normal is that I am concurrently experiencing one or more of the “negative six emotions.” These negative emotions cause us to feel less happy than we normally do. When we allow ourselves to feel one or more of the “negative six” more powerfully than our happiness, we describe that result as ‘feeling unhappy.’ But the happiness is still there in the background, just as it always is. We simply cannot feel it since we are choosing to experience the negative emotions more intensely at that time. To return to the state of happy, then, all that is necessary is to remove the negative emotion(s) interfering with our ability to feel, experience, and appreciate our happiness.
Removing Negative Emotions
O.K., that sounds good in theory. But removing negative emotions is much more difficult in reality, correct? I mean, it is much tougher to remove a negative emotion than just follow the simplistic advice we are often given to “just think positively.” Right? We cannot just say a few magic words and have negative emotions disappear as easily as a magician waves his wand through the air. Isn’t that true? Well, actually; no. It is that simple. That is all that is required. A few magic words and perhaps an ‘abra-cadabra.’ Or an ‘a la kazam’. ‘Voila!’ If you prefer. And the negative emotions are gone. Banished. Ejected. Vanquished. Expelled. Removed. Guaranteed! It doesn’t require faith in a certain deity, a visit to your therapist, changing to a paleo diet, meditating every day, or drinking more water. (Although there is little question all of these will help. They will certainly curtail a ton of the “negative six emotions” from arising in the first place!)
So what are the three magic words guaranteed to instantly evict the unwelcome negative emotions squatting in the apartment of your mind? To find out, come back here tomorrow to read “Three Words Guaranteed to Immediately Banish Negative Emotions, Part II” or click the “follow” button at the top on the right to be notified each time we post something new.
To your success,
I want to thank Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht., for spending her valuable time reviewing this series of posts and for sharing her depth of knowledge and insightful comments on this important topic with us. Her wisdom greatly enhanced the clarity and insightfulness of this series. Ms. Presley is an incredible hypnotherapist. Her clients rave about the changes she immediately ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had the success you desire thus far – contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com. She usually helps new clients experience immediate and permanent change in a session or two. Don’t live in Los Angeles? It doesn’t matter: Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are equally effective as her in-office visits. Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!
What single factor most determines whether or not you experience positive feelings aka happiness?
(If you read The Prefixed Life you know we preach that 90% of your happiness or unhappiness is determined by your choice in a marriage or life partner. Okay, you busted us. We still endorse that view …But, let’s say, for purposes of this post: “the most readily-changeable item” that affects your happiness. Cool?)
Looking Good / Being Hot? Nope.
Amount of Money in Your Bank Account? Nah.
Being In Love? Get right outta town.
Having Close Friends? Afraid not.
Your Salary: Not even warm.
Amazing Sex Life? Probably should be. But no.
Reading The Prefixed Life Daily? I can only assume that this isn’t numero uno because the dorks at the Journal of blah, blah, blah hadn’t heard about us yet . . .
A few years ago, The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology announced that the number one factor determining whether a human is happy is . . .
Autonomy is the Greatest Determinant of Human Happiness.
A host of studies and reports have since confirmed the results of this study.
What is autonomy?
It is “the feeling that your life – its activities and habits — are self-chosen and self-endorsed” and the belief that your life and purpose matters.
Studies repeatedly find that those who feel they are in control of their life report the very highest levels of happiness. To see if this passes the accuracy “smell test,” let’s consider it from the inverse first. When you are most unhappy, what is generally going on in your life? A relationship just fell apart, your job or career is in jeopardy, a beloved pet dies, a friend moves away from you, a natural disaster strikes where you live.
Have you noticed that a month or two later, you suddenly realize that some of your clothes are rather tight, or your checking account has a lot less money than you thought, or you have a major car issue that could have been avoided with regular maintenance.
Perhaps don’t drink as much water; don’t meditate or pray as much; you may feel lethargic and sluggish; you eat more snacks; life is not quite as vibrant or interesting; although you hadn’t realized it . . . you don’t hang out with your close friends as much.
What is going on here? (More to Read in Part II, coming shortly)
Written autonomously by,