Category Archives: Personal Development

YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE (Part II)

NOTE:  This is part II.  Click here to read Part I first.

Whether it’s our job (or job search), or where we live, or the amount of money we make, or the amount of money we have saved, or progress (or lack) towards our goals, our spiritual journey, the car we drive, the way we are raising our kids, how prestigious our home is, etc. etc. etc.  — at the end of the day, we can blame someone or something else, play the victim, and “feel” a tiny bit better in telling ourselves and the world we are not responsible since “that” situation or event caused it.  Or that I could do it except for “this” person.  Or if it wasn’t for this situation, I would definitely . . . .  Or perhaps that event.  Or maybe today it’s the weather.  Or the government.  Or the other political party.  Or my pastor.  Or my religion.

The Wages of Blame

Or . . . maybe its the ‘common thread’ tying all of the above together?

Me??!?  Nah.  Couldn’t be.

Me?!?

How about if we take the laboring oar and decide on a destination?  How about we decide to paddle our boat to that destination, come what may?  How about making a 100% decision that I will no longer complain of rapids or unfavorable winds or waves or sea turtles or that someone else is rich and got a faster boat when they were born.

How about I decide on My Destination and quit worrying about the boat some rich kid has.  After all, if I really wanted to be truthful, I would look around and likely notice that a lot of folk don’t even have boats.  They have an intertube or a piece of cardboard.  And many of them have made it to where they wished to go in life.  And every one of them who did reach their destination made a complete decision that they were 100% responsible for getting to wherever they wished to go.

How about you?  It requires only a simple decision to leave the comforting, but unsatisfying “ors” behind and set off immediately on this Voyage of Your Life.  Do you have the courage?

All we must do to have our dream life, now and forever, is to recognize we have prostituted our lives for our “ors”. . .  ‘Or’ that I could do it except for “this” person.  ‘Or’ this situation . . . .  ‘Or’ perhaps that event.  ‘Or’ maybe today it’s the weather.  ‘Or’ the government.  ‘Or’ the other political party.  ‘Or’ my pastor.  ‘Or’ my religion. ‘Or’ crappy childhood.

Are you really so tied to your life that you won’t even try another approach?

It really is as simple as deciding we are no longer willing to prostitute ourselves for cheap, and making instead, a 100% decision to leave our . . . ‘Or’ House.

It really is as simple as deciding we are no longer willing to prostitute ourselves for cheap, and making instead, a 100% decision to leave our  ‘Or’ House.

I can change.  You can change.  We all can change.  Often immediately.  But invariably in far less time than we ever thought possible.

And what if I am wrong.  What if it is not “quite that easy?”

I don’t know.  Try harder, I guess.  What I know without question is this:  If it is the most difficult thing you have ever done — it will still be a helluva lot easier than dragging that sign around everyday that says, “Look at me.  I’m a victim.  I’m a loser who is so defeated I can’t even admit it to myself what a loser I am.”

The Road is Not Hidden. My Path Not a Mystery. The Only Question is: Will I Choose It?

The worst part is that everyone else sees that sign from miles away.  Every single person.  Like Adam and Eve — we aren’t foolin’ anyone…except ourselves, perhaps.

Now, we try to cover it up by attracting people into our lives who won’t call us out on our B.S.  So, pretty soon our inner circle of friends consists of a whole group of irresponsible, self-deceiving, gossiping, blamers who carry around the same loser sign – but never call out each other for keeping that sign.  But it doesn’t change the fact that every single person in our life knows that we are simply making excuses.  Everyone knows we could be so much more.  Everyone knows we could have so much more.  We know it most of all.  We know we are like Adam or Eve proffering our ridiculous excuses to God.  We absolutely understand we aren’t fooling anybody.  Especially ourselves.  We are ensuring, though, that given some time — every single person we call a friend will suck just as much as we do . . . but at least we all belong to the same code of silence.  No one will call us out on our excuses.  Since we are all asphyxiating in that same mediocrity.

Wouldn’t it be much easier to simply claim 100% responsibility? 

Wouldn’t it be much easier to simply claim 100% responsibility?

Wouldn’t life be grand if I decide to identify the real issue?  And fix it?  Or am I so utterly delighted in my life of shame, guilt, remorse and the regret of not becoming all I am capable of . . . that I wish to stay as I am and continue carrying around my giant loser sign that is visible to everybody?


What the problem is not:

Excuses and Shame. Or Love and Life. You call that a TOUGH decision?

Starting is the hardest part.  Try as we might, we will tend to blame our ex.  Or perhaps many of our exes.  Or the person we know we should break up with, but haven’t gotten around to it just yet.  We may blame the distance between us, or the closeness. Or their table manner.  Or kids.  Or how they try to dodge responsibility my making lists. We sometimes will point the figure at sex and suggest that it is the realculprit:  And the rapid post-intercourse changes in our relationship makes it seem a viable and legitimate culprit. . .

But no.  It is me.  I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

But my partner used to be fun, spontaneous, a tad dangerous, mysterious, creative, and unpredictable.  And he used to ride a motorcycle.  She used to weigh 20 pounds less and didn’t require nearly as much makeup.  And she used to like having sex with me on a regular . . .

No.  No, thank you.  It is me.  I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

He used to be so focused and driven.  She used to work really hard at making our relationship work.  I give the same effort I always did . . . but my partner is slacking off for no reason I can think of.  I understand that in our parents’ day they had to work hard.  It’s easier now, but we all expect those same things now without the same hard work:  A nice car and home is practically guaranteed. . . certainly in the U.S., right?  So why has she given up on our goals?  Why has he jettisoned his passion?  Why is . . .

No!  I alone am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

But why?  Why does he no longer focus on these things with a passion?  I mean, sure, I expect to be entertained by my television for a few hours each day and assume that the road workers will keep the snow swept up so I can make it to my gym, or piano lesson, but so does everyone else.  Although I do see how expectation leads to entitlement, and I know entitlement leads to a lack of effort.  Ok, perhaps we are both giving slightly less effort than when we first met… and pretty soon we are no longer having sex.  And then every thing else starts to fall apart.  But really, s/he is failing a lot more than . . .

Blame or Become Responsible: It is 100% Your Choice.

No!  I have failed.  But I am done failing.  I am responsible! I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

And what about all my dreams and all the stories we heard as kids of what the “model relationship” should be. I don’t want to give up my Prince Charming meets James Bond plus 10% dangerous, unpredictable bad boy idealization.  I don’t want to settle for less than the Swedish Bikini Team plus Ms. America who does crazy unmentionable things in the bedroom . . . although still a virgin . . .

Oh wait.  I know,  I know.  I can have those qualities . . .all of them.  And more!  But only if

I admit I am 100% responsible and accept 100% responsibility for my Love Life!

Okay.  Fine.  I am in.  Where do I begin?

(Click here to return to Part I of this post)

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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THESE TWO THINGS ARE PROBABLY ALL THAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM YOUR DREAM LIFE

LIFE PURPOSE

Find Your Purpose!

Find Your Purpose!

You must have a written, clear, “smell-able” Definite Major Life Purpose .   Your purpose should move you and be worthy of your greatest efforts.  Failing to have one is like failing to have a map or GPS and trying to find a specific house in a city you have never visited before.  It is just not going to work – certainly not without a lot of unneeded stops and starts and asking random people for directions.  Commit to the life you desire by writing down your life purpose right now, signing your name to it, carrying it around in your wallet or purse, and think about it throughout the day and read it aloud at least 3 times each day.  Commit it to memory. This one step will probably be the difference in you living an exciting, adventurous, life of your dreams . . . and feeling like all your best efforts always come up short.

 

STRATEGIC THINKING

In Chess as in Life, the Masters always think a number of moves ahead

In Chess as in Life, the Masters always think a number of moves ahead

Live Strategically — Make methodical, detailed, long-term plans for your life purpose and the other goals you hold dear.  Review your plans at least monthly and analyze how you are doing and what is working and what is not working.  The Life you want will absolutely materialize if you make your purpose the thing you to which you give the most thought each day, and have good solid plans for bringing it into fruition.  The other great thing about strategic thinking is that it will severely curtail the disappointment and failure you tend to feel when something goes wrong as your plans stretch well beyond this day or this week.  Therefore, you will see failure in its proper place – as the waste of an hour or perhaps a day . . . but a mere bump in the road that will never stop you from getting to where you wish to go.

Incorporate these two items into your life and your dream life will emerge in a shockingly-short duration.

Purposefully yours,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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FUN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT DONE WRITE

This post is Part III.  The original post was “Have Fun Improving Yourself” and Part II was “Making Personal Development Fun!”  In this post we focus on a couple of fun self improvement ideas for those who believe that the pen is more powerful, and more fun, than the sword.

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Collect the thoughts that have seemed to you like a trumpet blast.

Collect the thoughts that have seemed to you like a trumpet blast.

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Your Owner's Manual

Your Owner’s Manual

Create Your Personal Owner’s Manual. Uncle Ralph will be proud. You don’t have to call it The Holy Bible if that seems sacrilegious to you.  Call it your Life Handbook or Scotty b.’s Owner’s Manual (you may want to insert your own name in place of Scotty b. unless you, too, were named after a small canine) or something else equally clever.

The idea is to memorialize all the elements which make your life great when you practice them.  You will be shocked as you review it from time to time how many things that make your life great, we often forget while busy in this modern life.  Remind yourself in your Life Handbook how to live life on your terms.  Jot down those things that make you fully come alive.   Remember what you did to make those memorable days so great. You might choose to include your objectives, values and goals.  No one on earth could write a better manual for your life…than you.  So have fun investing in yourself!

It's Blog Time!

It’s Blog Time!

Start a personal development blog. Studies have shown that we usually retain about 10% of what we hear in a lecture and about 10% of what we read, and about 20% when we do both . . . but a whopping 90% of what we teach others!  Even if you start your blog solely for the selfish reason of trying to retain 90% of the information you gather – won’t it be cool to help and encourage others while you are doing it?

Additionally, once you are in the public’s eye you will not be tempted to half-ass things or take long periods off.  Your fans are salivating for your next blog post after all.  So accept the challenge, improve yourself, your writing skills, and help out people all around the globe at the same time.  Not a bad way to spend a couple hours each week, eh?

Write right,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Return to the original post in this series, “Have Fun Improving Yourself” or go to Part II, “Making Personal Development Fun!

MAKING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT FUN!

This post is a continuation.  You may want to read the initial post, HAVE FUN IMPROVING YOURSELF!, first.  Today’s fun personal development ideas will be people focused.

More Fun Personal Development Ideas

Enlist a Mentor.  As many of the pioneers of personal development often said:  “The easiest road to success is to find someone who has accomplished what you want to accomplish, and do what they have done.   Think about the people in your life who you look up to. What qualities and characteristics do they possess that you would like to learn?  Decide that you will approach them, and let them know what you admire about them — and ask for their help in adopting some of the characteristics you admire.  There are very few people in this world who will turn down such a request.  As an added bonus, you might find them opening doors for your future that you could never have foreseen or imagined.

Pick Great Friends!

Pick Great Friends!

Take a Closer Look at Your Friends. Now that you have networked with someone on the outer perimeter of your social circle, look at those closest to you.  We all have amazing qualities.  Demand of yourself the discipline to start really paying attention to the awesome qualities of your family and closest friends.  Let them know about those qualities and ask them to teach you how to acquire those characteristics you admire.

Eliminate Hatred in Your Life.   Only in the last few years has science really begun to understand how damaging it is for us, as humans, to carry around hatred.  It does nothing to punish the object of our hate.  Instead, it wrecks our life, saps our vitality, and crushes our dreams.  We devastate ourselves and our future — and usually the other person doesn’t have a clue how we feel.  Decide now that you are not going to let ‘hate’ zap any more of your vital energy or destroy your peace of mind.  Abraham Lincoln said, “The best way to destroy an enemy . . . is to make him a friend.”

 “The best way to destroy an enemy . . . is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

If you do anything of importance with your life, there will be people who oppose you and say mean things about you.  It is so seductively easy to hate them back.  It is also toxic quicksand.  It not only damages you, but it is probably a more difficult habit to break than heroin.  It seems incredibly hard to love these folks in return for their hate.  But it is rewarding on a scale like almost nothing else in life.  Being able to forgive and show love to those who despise you reminds you that you are 100% responsible for your life and fills you with peace.  Who most hates you?  Take actions, right now and send them an email or text.  Apologize if you have been wrong.  Humble yourself to them.  Show them love. See if you can find closure on past arguments.  If they refuse, make the decision to love them all the harder.  Why?  Because it is now they who are suffering…and that sucks as you know.  But being free of your attachment to hatred is liberating and infuses you with peace, joy, truth, and love.

With love,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Click here to read Part III in this series, Fun Personal Development Done Write

HAVE FUN IMPROVING YOURSELF!

Do you yearn to get better . . . but never seem to get around to doing the simple things that would make you so much better?  Or perhaps every once in a while, you do catch the fire to be all you can be and put in tremendous effort . . .but you can never seem to maintain the momentum for very long.

This is the post for you.

Your self-esteem will skyrocket the moment you commit to a daily process of personal development.  It is incredible to watch yourself becoming a better person today than you were yesterday. And knowing you will do it again tomorrow.  It is by daily striving to improve that we make the most of each day, lead fulfilling, adventurous, awesome lives; and truly come alive.

Have Fun At The Beach!

Have Fun At The Beach!

So how do we get started?  And remain moving forward each day?

The key to making personal development a life-long passion is:  fun!

The key to making personal development a life-long passion is:  fun!

If your self-improvement program includes a lot of items “you should do” or “must do” — you likely won’t stick with it for very long. . . if you ever even begin.  If instead you concentrate on only working on improving yourself (initially, at least) in areas that fascinate you, challenge you, and seem like tons of fun, you don’t have those “must dos” to avoid and you won’t be “should-ding” all over yourself.  😉

To Become . . . Just Have Fun!

To Become . . . Just Have Fun!

Search for self-improvement items that resonate with you.  Migrate to items where you don’t have to force yourself to do them.  Rather, pick from ideas that you cannot wait to begin.  Instead of working to try and push a boulder up a mountain.  Start with the boulder at the top of the mountain and just get it rolling.  Then, you’ll find it is very hard to stop.  Even if you wanted to.  Those are the best habits to develop!

Pretty soon you will look back on your life and see that many of your dreams have come to fruition, and that your life has become infinitely more fulfilling.

Here is my favorite one to get you started ‘thinking out of the box.’  We will be randomly posting more specific ideas for you from time-to-time and will try to remember to link them here.

But don’t forget the most important thing in your personal development program:  Have Fun!

Personal Development Fun Ideas

I read. Therefore I am.

I read. Therefore I am.

Become a Bookworm. Good books are overflowing with great advice and intelligence.  Not only that, but the approach of the author will almost always be different than your.  Just learning the way another sees the world allows you a whole new mindset from which to perceive and move through the world. The more you read, the more points of view you gain in dealing with people, events and situations.  And the best authors not only teach well, but do so in a refreshing and entertaining method that makes reading a lot of fun!

The foundational books of your library should include these, at minimum (in no particular order):

  • Eat That Frog (Brian Tracy)
  • The Republic (Plato)
  • Getting Things Done (David Allen)
  • The Declaration of Independence (Thomas Jefferson, with others esp. Franklin and Adams)
  • The Constitution of the United States of America (James Madison with many others)
  • The Winner Within (Pat Riley)
  • Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill)
  • The Art of War (Sun Tzu)
  • Galatians, I Corinthians 13, John’s Gospel and First Epistle (Bible)

    Isn't It Time To Read Some Great Books?

    Isn’t It Time To Read Some Great Books?

  • The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Steven Covey)
  • The Go-Giver (Burg and Mann)
  • How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci (Michael Gelb)
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
  • I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (Vince Antonucci)
  • Meditations (Marcus Aurelius)
  • Awaken the Giant Within (Anthony Robbins)
  • Why Your Life Sucks (Alan Cohen)
  • Barbarians at the Gate (Bryan Burrough and John Helyar)
  • Flags of Our Fathers (James Bradley)

For more fun personal development ideas, read the second post on this topic, MAKING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT FUN!

In Fun,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

Self-Actualization in the Military

A well-written post on a matter of great importance. Thank you, Steve.

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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2014 Patrol Pathfinder Course

Abraham Maslow said self-actualization is “…to become everything that one is capable of becoming,” which sounds very similar to the old U.S army recruitment slogan, “Be All (That) You Can Be.” My interviews with Canadian Veterans of Afghanistan support the idea that the military can facilitate self-actualization; the problem is that this can often contribute to issues among individuals leaving the military who are unable to maintain this high level of self-actualization due to the relative lack of self-actualizing institutional supports in civilian life.

As stated in my previous reflection on self-actualization, the concept has been overly individualized and we need to recognize that it must be achieved by engaging with the world rather than from over-introspection or reading self-help books. Do an image search of “self-actualization” and you will see a common theme of solitary individuals, usually on mountain peaks. Distinct from the image of liberated mountain meditators…

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CAREER ADVICE: DO WHAT YOU SPEND TIME ON

The Partial Advice

We often hear the advice given to career seekers: “Do what you love” or “follow your passion.”

This is good advice, as far as it goes.  It is terrible advice, however, for both what it omits and the huge caveat it fails to mention.

Should you do what you love?  Should you follow your passion?  Of course.  As Confucius said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”  – Confucius

Philosopher Confucius

Philosopher Confucius

So why should we be cautious of the advice to “do what you love”?  Because we often aren’t clear on the one thing we truly love.  As humans, we often deceive ourselves.  When I try to focus on “what I Love” or “what I am passionate about,” I can think of dozens of things I love to do without breaking a sweat.

So now I still haven’t narrowed it down, but I realize it isn’t what I am doing.  If I was able to narrow my passion down to a single item, I still have to know I am capable of monetizing it (if the goal is to “do what I am passionate about,” as a job, I am going to need to be able to make a living at it, correct?)

The Better Analysis

The Better Analysis

The Full Advice

While it is critical to do something you love and have a passion for, the full advice that should be given to career seekers has three parts:

  1. Do something you are passionate about; and
  2. Do something you are good at; and
  3. Do something you will work hard at.
How Do You Spend Your Time?

How Do You Spend Your Time?

The way to discover which path will lead to all three of these things is to analyze what you spend your time on.  Time is the one resource that is a constant for every single person on this planet.  Rich people don’t get more of it.  You don’t get less opportunities for time if your country is poor or you are born into the wrong caste.  Time is not subject to the whims of inflation, the foreign exchange rate, or interest rates.  No matter what religion, ethnic group, gender, or political party you belong to – you receive the same 24 hours per day that every other person receives.

We all are going to die eventually.  And we all know it.  Each 24 hours brings us one day closer to the day we will die.  We don’t get to choose the day we will die – but we absolutely do get to decide whether we will LIVE before that day rolls around!  We exchange each 24 hours for one day of our life . . . whether we spent that day doing something we love, or with people we love – or as slave to the grind just making ends meet and wishing for the weekend.

We don’t get to choose the day we will die – but we absolutely do get to decide whether we will LIVE before that day rolls around!

Some people with the greatest faith have found themselves in the latter situation and simply quit, trusting in God that He would provide another job for them doing something they love.  The problem is:  a year or two into the new job, the person sometimes realizes that this is not their “Great Passion.”

You Don't Decide When You Will Die.  You Do Decide If You Will Live First!

You Don’t Decide When You Will Die. You Do Decide If You Will Live First!

The way to avoid all of this is not to “follow your passion” or “do what you love.”  Instead “follow what you do with your time.”  That is what you actually love.  What you spend time at, you will become better at.  As you become better, you will enjoy it more and more.  This in turn, will tend to make you love it.  As your passion grows, you will work hard to become better.  This will cause you to enjoy it even more.

And so on.

Ultimately, getting “stuck” in an endless loop like that. . . isn’t a bad way to spend your Life!

To finding the Time of your Life,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

CHANGE YOURSELF. THEN CHANGE THE WORLD.

“Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing themselves.”  – Leo Tolstoy

Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing themselves.  – Leo Tolstoy

All change must begin with me.  My life’s work, my purpose, my mission, even my grand plan to make the world a better place:  All change automatically as I change.

Dream. Inspire. Courage. Harmony.

Dream. Inspire. Courage. Harmony.

But trying to start there ensures that my plan, my purpose, and my mission will all be missing a critical component.  Me!

Work on you.  Design the Life of your dreams and decide you will never settle for anything less.  Your purpose, mission, and grand life plan should all fit into, and complement, that dream life you have designed.

Otherwise, you might “gain the whole world” … but never experience the joy, abundance, and fulfilment this Life is waiting to bestow on you.

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

In his 21 Suggestions for Success, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. declares as number one:  “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”

“Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”         – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Why we don’t pay this more attention is beyond me.  It should be taught to us in school.  Required to be memorized before a marriage license is issued.  Printed in large letters at any facility where one might go on a date.  It probably should be read to us in the womb.

The only question I have with regard to the veracity of Mr. Brown’s First Success Suggestion . . . is whether his affixed percentage is high enough.

What Must I Do To Get My Life Back on Track?!?

What Must I Do To Get My Life Back on Track?!?

Readers of The Prefixed Life know that we preach about how to make significant changes in life, we must accept 100% responsibility for each area of our life:  For our job, where we live, our income level, physical health, etc.  But are we really 100% responsible for our Love Life?

What if I am living some place where it is not just a funny saying, but in truth there simply are no ‘good men’ left?  Or, perhaps my ex-girlfriend went psycho and slept with every single guy at the bar one night because I implied she wasn’t a good reader?  Or maybe my spouse and I argue every single night?  Am I really responsible for another person, even when they act irresponsibly?  Even if I check with my friends and my therapist and even my lawyer . . .and they all agree I am behaving perfectly while my partner . . . is clearly the one who is mostly at fault?  Even then?

Yep.

Well, no, of course.  You cannot control how another person acts.  Nor should you — even if you possessed that power.

So accepting 100% responsibility might not ‘technically’ be completely accurate.

But failing to accept 100% responsibility for your love life will almost certainly result in you spending months, if not years, in maintaining romantic relationships that ultimately fail.  But that never happens in a vacuum.  Those fleeting, ephemeral, unsatisfying relationships bring with them immense amounts of fear, pain, rejection, heartbreak, yelling, regret and left-upright toilet seats.

And all in exchange for what?  Not much, in truth.  Not in the long run.

Accepting 100% responsibility for your love life will have you weed those potential partners out quickly.  Often in a single date.  Accepting 100% responsibility will keep you in a space where whenever Prince or Princess Charming walks into your life – and it will not be long after you take full control of this area of your life — you will know it immediately and can start planning your fulfilling life together.

Don’t believe it?

Fine.  Look, you can read this article and go right back to lying to yourself . . . if that’s what you want to do.   But…wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to simply admit something is jacked up in your Love Life, figure out what it is, fix it, and find the man or woman of your dreams?!?  

And no, I am not talking about “someone who completes you.”  That line from Jerry Macguire, complete with the music and emotional anchoring, did no favors to anyone who is single.

You know this.  You have always known this:  No human relationship that rests on “being completed” is EVER going to work. . . only God makes those relationships work — and look at the headaches He has getting us to buy in to surrendering to that kind of relationship.

NO!  You must accept 100% responsibility for your life SO you may become complete!  Once you do that, the right person will walk into your life.  The perfect person for you.  The one with whom you can celebrate your completeness together!  Doesn’t that sound a lot more fun and fulfilling?  Find the One with whom you can celebrate your completeness together!

You must be complete.  NOT perfect!  Complete.  Anything less will doom your relationship with another human before it even begins.  Be clear on that.

And, yes, once you accept this Truth and make a 100% personal commitment that nothing less is acceptable, that you will do whatever it takes to get to that place . . . once we let go of the ridiculous cattle-excrement-laden stories we tell ourselves, our lives begin to change at ludicrous speed.

It is is certainly easy to blame.

It is is certainly easy to blame.  Our society practically conditions us out of the womb to learn how to blame others.  And how could we not follow this conditioning?  We still consider ourselves a “Christian nation’ here in the U.S.  Look at the central role blame takes and how heavily it factors into the very first story we read in Christendom, where after taking the forbidden fruit and being confronted by God about it, Adam manages to blame both Eve and God by suggesting the fault was properly attributed to, “that woman You gave me.”  Eve, in turn, tried to roll over on the serpent as the primary cause for the appearance on Earth of ‘sin’  and disobedience.

And yet, we usually smirk as we read the Genesis account.  Neither Adam’s nor Eve’s feeble attempt to place the blame elsewhere seems particularly credible to us.  Is it possible that attempting to blame someone or something else ALWAYS comes across as ridiculous and ALWAYS makes us look exceedingly foolish?

Perhaps after this many years since Adam and Eve it is time for us humans to grow a little bit, evolve if you will, and mature as a species?

We all know, deep down, that all blame really does is keep us mired in mediocrity.  We all know that. Why are we so adamant that we wish to continue sucking?  Is our pride and ego really that fragile?

Okay.  Fine.  I am in.  Where do I begin?

I admit I am 100% responsible and accept 100% responsibility for my Love Life!

(Click here for Part II of this post)

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

OVERWHELMED? REGAIN YOUR LIFE BY EFFECTIVELY SETTING GOALS

We all feel overwhelmed at time.  This usually results from feeling like we have too much to do and that we will never get it all accomplished, or at least not in time.

training-396524_1280As Brian Tracy sagely reminds us, “Although there is never enough time to do everything, there is always enough time to do the most important things, and to stay with them until they are done right.” – Brian Tracy

To regain our mojo and again feel like we are back in control of our lives, then, we need to effectively set and accomplish goals.

Elements Іn Effective Goals Setting:

  1. Goals must be in writing. Until then, your goal is just a wish (and likely will go unfulfilled).
  2. Your written goal needs desire behind it (otherwise you will likely find a way to leave it undone)
  3. A goal must have a definite “end line” (another words, you must be able to definitely know when to check the box or cross through it indicating it has been accomplished).
  4. A goal must have a realistic time to be accomplished (without a time that pushes you to finish the goal, the item will actually ADD TO instead of alleviate your sense of overwhelm)
  5. Make sure you believe you are capable of accomplishing the goal (as Napolean Hill tells us, we can achieve whatever we believe. The inverse, of course, is that we are incapable of achieving something we do not have faith in ourselves to accomplish.  Especially when you feel overwhelmed these kind of goals making your list will be counter-productive.  The goal can stretch you, but you must have faith in your ability to get it done within the timeline)
  6. Judge your effectiveness in terms of showing up and performing rather than tying your self-esteem to the outcome (i.e. – never make “Going out with Suzy Jones” a goal. Instead make “asking out five girls I like” a goal.  Anytime you tie the accomplishment of a goal outside your ability to control, you set yourself up for failure.)
  7. Set goals based on the person you wish to become, not based on what your think your religion, parent, teacher or priest wants for your life. These people are important, but you are not living their life, right?  LIVE YOUR LIFE.  It is the only one you can live.
  8. Now that you have your goals, work your tail off to get them done (“Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration.” – attributed to many great people, original source unknown)

archery-573771_1280“Do nоt wait; thе time will nеvеr bе ‘just right’. Start whеrе уоu stand аnd work wіth whаtеvеr tools уоu mау hаvе аt уоur command аnd better tools will bе fоund аs уоu gо along.” -Napoleon Hill

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

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