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YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE (Part II)

NOTE:  This is part II.  Click here to read Part I first.

Whether it’s our job (or job search), or where we live, or the amount of money we make, or the amount of money we have saved, or progress (or lack) towards our goals, our spiritual journey, the car we drive, the way we are raising our kids, how prestigious our home is, etc. etc. etc.  — at the end of the day, we can blame someone or something else, play the victim, and “feel” a tiny bit better in telling ourselves and the world we are not responsible since “that” situation or event caused it.  Or that I could do it except for “this” person.  Or if it wasn’t for this situation, I would definitely . . . .  Or perhaps that event.  Or maybe today it’s the weather.  Or the government.  Or the other political party.  Or my pastor.  Or my religion.

The Wages of Blame

Or . . . maybe its the ‘common thread’ tying all of the above together?

Me??!?  Nah.  Couldn’t be.

Me?!?

How about if we take the laboring oar and decide on a destination?  How about we decide to paddle our boat to that destination, come what may?  How about making a 100% decision that I will no longer complain of rapids or unfavorable winds or waves or sea turtles or that someone else is rich and got a faster boat when they were born.

How about I decide on My Destination and quit worrying about the boat some rich kid has.  After all, if I really wanted to be truthful, I would look around and likely notice that a lot of folk don’t even have boats.  They have an intertube or a piece of cardboard.  And many of them have made it to where they wished to go in life.  And every one of them who did reach their destination made a complete decision that they were 100% responsible for getting to wherever they wished to go.

How about you?  It requires only a simple decision to leave the comforting, but unsatisfying “ors” behind and set off immediately on this Voyage of Your Life.  Do you have the courage?

All we must do to have our dream life, now and forever, is to recognize we have prostituted our lives for our “ors”. . .  ‘Or’ that I could do it except for “this” person.  ‘Or’ this situation . . . .  ‘Or’ perhaps that event.  ‘Or’ maybe today it’s the weather.  ‘Or’ the government.  ‘Or’ the other political party.  ‘Or’ my pastor.  ‘Or’ my religion. ‘Or’ crappy childhood.

Are you really so tied to your life that you won’t even try another approach?

It really is as simple as deciding we are no longer willing to prostitute ourselves for cheap, and making instead, a 100% decision to leave our . . . ‘Or’ House.

It really is as simple as deciding we are no longer willing to prostitute ourselves for cheap, and making instead, a 100% decision to leave our  ‘Or’ House.

I can change.  You can change.  We all can change.  Often immediately.  But invariably in far less time than we ever thought possible.

And what if I am wrong.  What if it is not “quite that easy?”

I don’t know.  Try harder, I guess.  What I know without question is this:  If it is the most difficult thing you have ever done — it will still be a helluva lot easier than dragging that sign around everyday that says, “Look at me.  I’m a victim.  I’m a loser who is so defeated I can’t even admit it to myself what a loser I am.”

The Road is Not Hidden. My Path Not a Mystery. The Only Question is: Will I Choose It?

The worst part is that everyone else sees that sign from miles away.  Every single person.  Like Adam and Eve — we aren’t foolin’ anyone…except ourselves, perhaps.

Now, we try to cover it up by attracting people into our lives who won’t call us out on our B.S.  So, pretty soon our inner circle of friends consists of a whole group of irresponsible, self-deceiving, gossiping, blamers who carry around the same loser sign – but never call out each other for keeping that sign.  But it doesn’t change the fact that every single person in our life knows that we are simply making excuses.  Everyone knows we could be so much more.  Everyone knows we could have so much more.  We know it most of all.  We know we are like Adam or Eve proffering our ridiculous excuses to God.  We absolutely understand we aren’t fooling anybody.  Especially ourselves.  We are ensuring, though, that given some time — every single person we call a friend will suck just as much as we do . . . but at least we all belong to the same code of silence.  No one will call us out on our excuses.  Since we are all asphyxiating in that same mediocrity.

Wouldn’t it be much easier to simply claim 100% responsibility? 

Wouldn’t it be much easier to simply claim 100% responsibility?

Wouldn’t life be grand if I decide to identify the real issue?  And fix it?  Or am I so utterly delighted in my life of shame, guilt, remorse and the regret of not becoming all I am capable of . . . that I wish to stay as I am and continue carrying around my giant loser sign that is visible to everybody?


What the problem is not:

Excuses and Shame. Or Love and Life. You call that a TOUGH decision?

Starting is the hardest part.  Try as we might, we will tend to blame our ex.  Or perhaps many of our exes.  Or the person we know we should break up with, but haven’t gotten around to it just yet.  We may blame the distance between us, or the closeness. Or their table manner.  Or kids.  Or how they try to dodge responsibility my making lists. We sometimes will point the figure at sex and suggest that it is the realculprit:  And the rapid post-intercourse changes in our relationship makes it seem a viable and legitimate culprit. . .

But no.  It is me.  I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

But my partner used to be fun, spontaneous, a tad dangerous, mysterious, creative, and unpredictable.  And he used to ride a motorcycle.  She used to weigh 20 pounds less and didn’t require nearly as much makeup.  And she used to like having sex with me on a regular . . .

No.  No, thank you.  It is me.  I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

He used to be so focused and driven.  She used to work really hard at making our relationship work.  I give the same effort I always did . . . but my partner is slacking off for no reason I can think of.  I understand that in our parents’ day they had to work hard.  It’s easier now, but we all expect those same things now without the same hard work:  A nice car and home is practically guaranteed. . . certainly in the U.S., right?  So why has she given up on our goals?  Why has he jettisoned his passion?  Why is . . .

No!  I alone am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

But why?  Why does he no longer focus on these things with a passion?  I mean, sure, I expect to be entertained by my television for a few hours each day and assume that the road workers will keep the snow swept up so I can make it to my gym, or piano lesson, but so does everyone else.  Although I do see how expectation leads to entitlement, and I know entitlement leads to a lack of effort.  Ok, perhaps we are both giving slightly less effort than when we first met… and pretty soon we are no longer having sex.  And then every thing else starts to fall apart.  But really, s/he is failing a lot more than . . .

Blame or Become Responsible: It is 100% Your Choice.

No!  I have failed.  But I am done failing.  I am responsible! I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

And what about all my dreams and all the stories we heard as kids of what the “model relationship” should be. I don’t want to give up my Prince Charming meets James Bond plus 10% dangerous, unpredictable bad boy idealization.  I don’t want to settle for less than the Swedish Bikini Team plus Ms. America who does crazy unmentionable things in the bedroom . . . although still a virgin . . .

Oh wait.  I know,  I know.  I can have those qualities . . .all of them.  And more!  But only if

I admit I am 100% responsible and accept 100% responsibility for my Love Life!

Okay.  Fine.  I am in.  Where do I begin?

(Click here to return to Part I of this post)

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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THREE WORDS OF POWER – ‘I AM RESPONSIBLE!’ 

NOTE: this is Part V.  You should first click the following links to read Part I, Part II, Part III and Part IV prior to reading this post.

I AM RESPONSIBLE!

These three words will change your life if you let them.

Stay Focused!

Stay Focused!

Simply declare, “I am responsible!” and you liberate yourself from negative emotions, begin taking control of your life, and short-circuit and cancel out any negative emotions you may be experiencing.  It doesn’t matter how long those negative emotions have unlawfully detained your thoughts, emotions, and well-being.  The moment you declare, “I am responsible!” their reign of terror is ended as certainly as chopping down a tree results in its fruit dying.

Without saying “I am responsible!” to negative emotions; no progress is possible.  Once you start saying “I am responsible!” to negative emotions, there are no limits to what you can be, do, have and become!

There is no such thing as a justified resentment.

There is no such thing as a justified resentment.  Nice people suck and are lonely.  Be kind — hated by some — but beloved by those who really matter.  You can rationalize all day long — or you can be successful — but not both.  Blaming and complaining send the message to your subconscious that it can be idle since you are waiting for someone else to get their act togetherAccepting 100% responsibility demands the most out of your two most powerful motivators:  Your subconscious mind and your emotions.

Will You Follow The Road Sign?

Will You Follow The Road Sign?

Saying “I am responsible!” whenever you start to feel upset frees you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to begin channeling your energies and enthusiasm into a productive response to those negative emotions.  Being 100% responsible propels you in an entirely different, and completely fulfilling, direction.

Accepting 100% responsibility propels you towards the abundant life of your dreams.

Declaring “I am responsible!” is the Truth.  Blaming your parents is a lie.  Complaining about your education is a lie.  Justifying your poor behavior because of your job, or boss, or lack of money:  Lie, lie, lie.  Rationalizing based on your religion, or pastor, or the gossip queen two rows down on the left:  Three more lies.   I AM RESPONSIBLE!

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

That is The Truth.  And The Truth shall set you free!

No one else is responsible for your life:  You are!

No one can hold you back or make decisions for you:  Only you can!

So make this decision right now!  “I AM RESPONSIBLE!”

Make this decision right now! –    I AM RESPONSIBLE!

And then make this decision: “SINCE I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE, I COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE ABUNDANT LIFE OF MY DREAMS A REALITY!  I NEITHER QUIT NOR BLAME OTHERS.  FOR I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE AND I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS A REALITY!”

SINCE I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE, I COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE ABUNDANT LIFE OF MY DREAMS A REALITY!  I NEITHER QUIT NOR BLAME OTHERS.  FOR I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE AND I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS A REALITY!

To your freedom,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Success: Can You See It?!?

Success: Can You See It?!?

This was Part V.  Click to read Part I, Part II, Part III, or Part IV.

Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht. spent her valuable time reviewing this series of posts for us and making them better.   As you know, she is a beloved hypnotherapist.  Take action now to become one of those clients who is always raving about the immediate and lasting change Dawnmarie ushered into their life.  Contact her now to set up your appointment at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com, or review her website at dreamconversions.net.  Dawnmarie will help you even if you don’t live in Los Angeles.  Her telephone appointments are just as effective as her in-office meetings.  Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!

THESE THREE WORDS WILL IMMEDIATELY EXPEL YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Note: this is Part III.  Part IV is here.  We recommend reading Part I and Part II first.

We know we can be victorious over negative emotions by remaining on guard against the four types of Trojan Horses in which they hide.  In Part II we discussed Justification and Rationalization.  In this post we look at the remaining two Trojan Horses of Emotional Apocalypse.

Trojan Horses of Emotional Apocalypse

Blaming Others

Blaming Others

3.     Blaming and Complaining. As humans, our penchant is to blame (and then usually complain about) situations, occurrences, and people for the circumstances of our life. Doing so is analogous to owning a large fruit orchard. I need to constantly remain cognizant of the kind of fruit my orchard is producing.  When I find a particular tree is growing nothing but Blame Apples, Gripe Vines, Complaint-ains; I need to chop down that tree.  The moment I sever the trunk, I irrevocably extinguish the ability of its fruit to survive.  Sure, some fruit may survive for a few days or perhaps a week… but the fruit will die in short order and no new fruit will take its place.  Accordingly, when you notice you are blaming, griping, or complaining, you must identify the cause and set your saw or axe to work immediately.  Otherwise, you risk the disease spreading to the rest of your orchard.

4.     Hypersensitivity. Being empathetic and compassionate is good. Being hyper-empathetic and hyper-compassionate is not.  That is what “nice” people do.  Nice people are generally the ones afflicted with the disease of hypersensitivity.

Was Lincoln Nice...or Kind?

Was Lincoln Nice…or Kind?

“Being nice?” you may question, “What is wrong with being nice?”   Am I not supposed to “be nice?”  Weren’t Moses, Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad, the Buddha, Martin Luther, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., and most other great revolutionary leaders “nice”?

The emphatic answer is:  NO!

None of them were nice!

One cannot be a revolutionary – – and be ‘nice’?  If you disagree, you might be confusing ‘nice’ with ‘kind’ – just as I did for most of my life.  But ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ are definitely not synonyms.

 

Niceness v. Kindness

Was Dr. King Nice... Or Kind?

Was Dr. King Nice… Or Kind?

Niceness is a personality trait.  Kindness is a feature of one’s character.

Niceness is a self-serving, self-protecting bunker in which a coward hides — hoping that by not offending anyone they will be liked.

Kindness, on the other hand, is others-centered.  A kind person will not hesitate to challenge unjust practices and put deceitful people on blast.  A kind person knows that what they stand up for will undoubtedly cause them suffering, ridicule, and to be hated by many.  The kind person speaks and acts against injustice simply because it is the right thing to do. The kind person does so at great personal expense.  The kind person does so anyway.

A nice person would never do such a thing, because a nice person is all about themselves.  A nice person is not about others, as they usually claim to be.  A nice person agrees with others’ because they have no backbone.  A nice person don’t want to offend – even when someone is behaving offensively.  A nice person complies to avoid confrontation – even when someone or something needs to be confronted.

The nice person is a coward who hides who they really are, hoping to be loved.  Unfortunately, the nice person lives in self-delusion by this hope.  How can one ever be loved, if one never shows the world who they really are?  How can one even love or respect themselves . . . if they never stand up for what they believe?  So while another fake person may grow to ‘love’ the nice person’s illusory facade; no one can ever truly love the nice person because they only ever reveal their fake exterior to the world.

Joan of Arc: Nice or Kind?

Joan of Arc: Nice or Kind?

The kind person, on the other hand, strolls through the world unafraid.  The kind person knows they will be hated by most people they encounter because they speak their truth and stand against the forces of deception and tyranny.  But in doing so, the kind person will always be beloved by the few who would see this planet become a better place: a world filled with peace, joy, truth, love, justice and understanding.

Tune in tomorrow for Part IV of this series.  Same bat time.  Same bat channel.  You can also follow this blog by clicking on the link to the right.  Or, return to Part I or Part II of this series.

To kindness,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Make Your Dreams Your Reality: Contact Dawnmarie Presley

Make Your Dreams Your Reality: Contact Dawnmarie Presley

Our deep appreciation goes to Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht. for her valuable time she contributed to making this blog series better.  We thank her for her review, depth of knowledge, and insightful comments and edits.  Ms. Presley’s hypnotherapy clients rave about the changes she ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had the progress you desire – or as rapidly as you want — contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com.  New clients invariably experience lasting change in a session or two.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t live in Los Angeles as Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are just as effective as in-office visits.  Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!

THREE WORDS GUARANTEED TO INSTANTLY BANISH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Happiness

This Baby Looks Happy!

This Baby Looks Happy!

We all want to be happy. We intuitively understand that the positive emotion of happiness is a by-product of living a purposeful, productive, fulfilling life.  And, this, in turn, produces a life abundant with peace of mind, joy, truth, and love. You probably also know that if you are living a purposeful, productive life there are only six basic barriers to happiness:  the negative emotions of fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and rage.

The six basic barriers to happiness are the negative emotions of fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and rage.

We often envision happiness in terms of it fluctuating up and down like the temperature outdoors.  But that is an inaccurate model of how humans actually experience happiness.  Once a human is purposefully engaged in a productive venture — happiness exists.  If you feel that your work helps others and is worthy of your daily effort — your happiness does not fluctuate much at all. What is actually happening when I feel less happy than normal is that I am concurrently experiencing one or more of the “negative six emotions.”  These negative emotions cause us to feel less happy than we normally do.  When we allow ourselves to feel one or more of the “negative six” more powerfully than our happiness, we describe that result as ‘feeling unhappy.’  But the happiness is still there in the background, just as it always is.  We simply cannot feel it since we are choosing to experience the negative emotions more intensely at that time. To return to the state of happy, then, all that is necessary is to remove the negative emotion(s) interfering with our ability to feel, experience, and appreciate our happiness.

Removing Negative Emotions

But This Baby Does Not.

But This Baby Does Not.

O.K., that sounds good in theory.  But removing negative emotions is much more difficult in reality, correct?  I mean, it is much tougher to remove a negative emotion than just follow the simplistic advice we are often given to “just think positively.”  Right?   We cannot just say a few magic words and have negative emotions disappear as easily as a magician waves his wand through the air.  Isn’t that true? Well, actually; no.  It is that simple. That is all that is required.  A few magic words and perhaps an ‘abra-cadabra.’ Or an ‘a la kazam’. ‘Voila!’ If you prefer. And the negative emotions are gone.  Banished.  Ejected.  Vanquished.  Expelled.  Removed. Guaranteed! It doesn’t require faith in a certain deity, a visit to your therapist, changing to a paleo diet, meditating every day, or drinking more water. (Although there is little question all of these will help.  They will certainly curtail a ton of the “negative six emotions” from arising in the first place!)

Nor Does This Lil' Dude

Nor Does This Lil’ Dude

So what are the three magic words guaranteed to instantly evict the unwelcome negative emotions squatting in the apartment of your mind? To find out, come back here tomorrow to read “Three Words Guaranteed to Immediately Banish Negative Emotions, Part II” or click the “follow” button at the top on the right to be notified each time we post something new.

To your success,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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I want to thank Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht., for spending her valuable time reviewing this series of posts and for sharing her depth of knowledge and insightful comments on this important topic with us.  Her wisdom greatly enhanced the clarity and insightfulness of this series.  Ms. Presley is an incredible hypnotherapist.  Her clients rave about the changes she immediately ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had the success you desire thus far – contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com. She usually helps new clients experience immediate and permanent change in a session or two.  Don’t live in Los Angeles?  It doesn’t matter: Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are equally effective as her in-office visits.  Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!

MAKING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT FUN!

This post is a continuation.  You may want to read the initial post, HAVE FUN IMPROVING YOURSELF!, first.  Today’s fun personal development ideas will be people focused.

More Fun Personal Development Ideas

Enlist a Mentor.  As many of the pioneers of personal development often said:  “The easiest road to success is to find someone who has accomplished what you want to accomplish, and do what they have done.   Think about the people in your life who you look up to. What qualities and characteristics do they possess that you would like to learn?  Decide that you will approach them, and let them know what you admire about them — and ask for their help in adopting some of the characteristics you admire.  There are very few people in this world who will turn down such a request.  As an added bonus, you might find them opening doors for your future that you could never have foreseen or imagined.

Pick Great Friends!

Pick Great Friends!

Take a Closer Look at Your Friends. Now that you have networked with someone on the outer perimeter of your social circle, look at those closest to you.  We all have amazing qualities.  Demand of yourself the discipline to start really paying attention to the awesome qualities of your family and closest friends.  Let them know about those qualities and ask them to teach you how to acquire those characteristics you admire.

Eliminate Hatred in Your Life.   Only in the last few years has science really begun to understand how damaging it is for us, as humans, to carry around hatred.  It does nothing to punish the object of our hate.  Instead, it wrecks our life, saps our vitality, and crushes our dreams.  We devastate ourselves and our future — and usually the other person doesn’t have a clue how we feel.  Decide now that you are not going to let ‘hate’ zap any more of your vital energy or destroy your peace of mind.  Abraham Lincoln said, “The best way to destroy an enemy . . . is to make him a friend.”

 “The best way to destroy an enemy . . . is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

If you do anything of importance with your life, there will be people who oppose you and say mean things about you.  It is so seductively easy to hate them back.  It is also toxic quicksand.  It not only damages you, but it is probably a more difficult habit to break than heroin.  It seems incredibly hard to love these folks in return for their hate.  But it is rewarding on a scale like almost nothing else in life.  Being able to forgive and show love to those who despise you reminds you that you are 100% responsible for your life and fills you with peace.  Who most hates you?  Take actions, right now and send them an email or text.  Apologize if you have been wrong.  Humble yourself to them.  Show them love. See if you can find closure on past arguments.  If they refuse, make the decision to love them all the harder.  Why?  Because it is now they who are suffering…and that sucks as you know.  But being free of your attachment to hatred is liberating and infuses you with peace, joy, truth, and love.

With love,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Click here to read Part III in this series, Fun Personal Development Done Write

THE VICTORIOUS ATTITUDE

To be a victor in Life, you must think you are victorious.

Once you can think it is True, you might dare to believe it is true.

And once you have faith, anything is possible!

Grow Your Faith and You WILL Become Victorious!

Grow Your Faith and You WILL Become Victorious!

So go boldly with the victorious attitude, sweeping past obstacles.  Be a conqueror in appearance, in bearing, and successThink, walk, talk, and act as somebody on the verge of enormous success!  Carry yourself with a grand aim and mission in Life.  Believe you are a Person of Importance and let it radiate from you.  Be a good advertisement for the winner you are becoming.  Your body language convinces the world; and you.  Unless you appear to be a conqueror, you won’t be.  Make congruent how you carry yourself, who you desire to be, and how you will feel once you are that person.

Onward!  Victory awaits,

Scotty b.
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Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

CHANGE YOURSELF. THEN CHANGE THE WORLD.

“Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing themselves.”  – Leo Tolstoy

Everybody thinks of changing humanity, and nobody thinks of changing themselves.  – Leo Tolstoy

All change must begin with me.  My life’s work, my purpose, my mission, even my grand plan to make the world a better place:  All change automatically as I change.

Dream. Inspire. Courage. Harmony.

Dream. Inspire. Courage. Harmony.

But trying to start there ensures that my plan, my purpose, and my mission will all be missing a critical component.  Me!

Work on you.  Design the Life of your dreams and decide you will never settle for anything less.  Your purpose, mission, and grand life plan should all fit into, and complement, that dream life you have designed.

Otherwise, you might “gain the whole world” … but never experience the joy, abundance, and fulfilment this Life is waiting to bestow on you.

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.
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YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE

In his 21 Suggestions for Success, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. declares as number one:  “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”

“Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.”         – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Why we don’t pay this more attention is beyond me.  It should be taught to us in school.  Required to be memorized before a marriage license is issued.  Printed in large letters at any facility where one might go on a date.  It probably should be read to us in the womb.

The only question I have with regard to the veracity of Mr. Brown’s First Success Suggestion . . . is whether his affixed percentage is high enough.

What Must I Do To Get My Life Back on Track?!?

What Must I Do To Get My Life Back on Track?!?

Readers of The Prefixed Life know that we preach about how to make significant changes in life, we must accept 100% responsibility for each area of our life:  For our job, where we live, our income level, physical health, etc.  But are we really 100% responsible for our Love Life?

What if I am living some place where it is not just a funny saying, but in truth there simply are no ‘good men’ left?  Or, perhaps my ex-girlfriend went psycho and slept with every single guy at the bar one night because I implied she wasn’t a good reader?  Or maybe my spouse and I argue every single night?  Am I really responsible for another person, even when they act irresponsibly?  Even if I check with my friends and my therapist and even my lawyer . . .and they all agree I am behaving perfectly while my partner . . . is clearly the one who is mostly at fault?  Even then?

Yep.

Well, no, of course.  You cannot control how another person acts.  Nor should you — even if you possessed that power.

So accepting 100% responsibility might not ‘technically’ be completely accurate.

But failing to accept 100% responsibility for your love life will almost certainly result in you spending months, if not years, in maintaining romantic relationships that ultimately fail.  But that never happens in a vacuum.  Those fleeting, ephemeral, unsatisfying relationships bring with them immense amounts of fear, pain, rejection, heartbreak, yelling, regret and left-upright toilet seats.

And all in exchange for what?  Not much, in truth.  Not in the long run.

Accepting 100% responsibility for your love life will have you weed those potential partners out quickly.  Often in a single date.  Accepting 100% responsibility will keep you in a space where whenever Prince or Princess Charming walks into your life – and it will not be long after you take full control of this area of your life — you will know it immediately and can start planning your fulfilling life together.

Don’t believe it?

Fine.  Look, you can read this article and go right back to lying to yourself . . . if that’s what you want to do.   But…wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to simply admit something is jacked up in your Love Life, figure out what it is, fix it, and find the man or woman of your dreams?!?  

And no, I am not talking about “someone who completes you.”  That line from Jerry Macguire, complete with the music and emotional anchoring, did no favors to anyone who is single.

You know this.  You have always known this:  No human relationship that rests on “being completed” is EVER going to work. . . only God makes those relationships work — and look at the headaches He has getting us to buy in to surrendering to that kind of relationship.

NO!  You must accept 100% responsibility for your life SO you may become complete!  Once you do that, the right person will walk into your life.  The perfect person for you.  The one with whom you can celebrate your completeness together!  Doesn’t that sound a lot more fun and fulfilling?  Find the One with whom you can celebrate your completeness together!

You must be complete.  NOT perfect!  Complete.  Anything less will doom your relationship with another human before it even begins.  Be clear on that.

And, yes, once you accept this Truth and make a 100% personal commitment that nothing less is acceptable, that you will do whatever it takes to get to that place . . . once we let go of the ridiculous cattle-excrement-laden stories we tell ourselves, our lives begin to change at ludicrous speed.

It is is certainly easy to blame.

It is is certainly easy to blame.  Our society practically conditions us out of the womb to learn how to blame others.  And how could we not follow this conditioning?  We still consider ourselves a “Christian nation’ here in the U.S.  Look at the central role blame takes and how heavily it factors into the very first story we read in Christendom, where after taking the forbidden fruit and being confronted by God about it, Adam manages to blame both Eve and God by suggesting the fault was properly attributed to, “that woman You gave me.”  Eve, in turn, tried to roll over on the serpent as the primary cause for the appearance on Earth of ‘sin’  and disobedience.

And yet, we usually smirk as we read the Genesis account.  Neither Adam’s nor Eve’s feeble attempt to place the blame elsewhere seems particularly credible to us.  Is it possible that attempting to blame someone or something else ALWAYS comes across as ridiculous and ALWAYS makes us look exceedingly foolish?

Perhaps after this many years since Adam and Eve it is time for us humans to grow a little bit, evolve if you will, and mature as a species?

We all know, deep down, that all blame really does is keep us mired in mediocrity.  We all know that. Why are we so adamant that we wish to continue sucking?  Is our pride and ego really that fragile?

Okay.  Fine.  I am in.  Where do I begin?

I admit I am 100% responsible and accept 100% responsibility for my Love Life!

(Click here for Part II of this post)

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

SELF FAITH?  SIMPLE TO TELL IF YOU HAVE IT OR NOT; JUST LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS.

“Surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.”  E. Lee

“Surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.”       -E. Lee

With whom do you surround yourself?

Do they encourage you?  Do they support your dreams?  Do they applaud your vision?

Friends and Faith

Friends and Faith:  The Quality of One is Always Similar to the Quality of the Other.

Is your life rich with friends who make their dreams become reality?

Would emulating your friends routines and habits make you a better or worse person?

“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” – John Kuebler

The people you spend the most time with are a commentary on who you are.  If you don’t believe in yourself, you will surround yourself with others who do not.  Yes, faith is a powerful concept.  And, yet, we often forget that it is not only something applicable in relationship to a deity.  We must have or acquire faith in ourselves and our own potential.

Otherwise, we will never become able to push ourselves to becoming all of which we are capable.  Doing so would risk us being disappointed, and of disappointing others.

Instead, we opt to settle for a mediocre life.

The funny thing is:  Mediocre is never mediocre.

When your potential is great (and what human life is not?), mediocre feels like great pain mixed with constant, quiet desperation, and smells a lot like a skunk’s back side.

If that sounds at all familiar, perhaps it is time to make a couple of important changes.

As the late, great, Jim Rohn was fond of saying:  “You are the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time.” – Jim Rohn

Most people who are being honest with themselves will agree that Mr.  Rohn’s saying is pretty much true.  Think of its implications:  it means if you would simply take the least encouraging of “The Five” and replace him or her with someone who is optimistic, encourages your dreams, applauds your vision, and works hard to make their ideas come true – that alone would radically change your life.

Pick Great Friends!

Pick Great Friends!

I am not saying to drop the least optimistic as a friend or shut them out of your life and never speak with them again.  I am saying:  perhaps a demotion of time allowing them to become the sixth-most time consuming person in your life . . . could change everything!

Isn’t it worth a try for a month or two?

Most of us had dreams in high school of conquering the world…and somewhere around our late 20s or early 30s we slowly starting letting go of our dreams.  And now our “journey to the dark side seems complete.”  We firmly play small, make excuses, and who knows when the last time I was actively and passionately pursuing one of my dreams.

Lucky for you, you aren’t Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader.  The journey to the dark side . . . or any other side is NEVER complete.  As long as you are breathing your journey is never complete – whether to the dark side or in becoming all you can be.  There is nothing we can do today that is so good it guarantees our salvation.  Conversely, there is nothing we can do so terrible, that we are damned forever.

That is the beauty of Life:  Every day is a time to start afresh.  An opportunity to become all we can be.

One thing that is important, though, is to take Jim Rohn’s message seriously.  Who are the people that make you better?  And who in your life drags you down?  If you are serious about personal development, make the commitment to drop those that sink your self-esteem and confidence, those who constantly bring you drama instead of encouragement, and those who never do anything meaningful with their lives – at least ensure that you are not spending time with them in your top five time slots.

Instead, elevate your time spent with those who support you, love you, cherish the time you give them, and are fascinated by your vision for you, your community, and your world; and who are successful in the ways you wish to be successful.

But be forewarned:  Only do this if you are really serious about wanting to improve.  The change may shock you not only in terms of how much is possible, but how quickly, with just this one small tweak to your life.

To evolve and grow effortlessly, you need to surround yourself with those who see your potential and encourage you in the direction of your aspirations.

heart-471783_12804.jpgIf you don’t think you have anyone in your circle of friends that will encourage you, then make ‘friends’ with people like Jim Rohn, Coach Corey Wayne, Anthony Robbins, Socrates, Jesus of Nazareth, etc. via books or YouTube until you draw people that uplift and encourage you into your life.

Don’t worry; they WILL come.

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”  – Buddhist Saying

What action(s) do you need to take to put this post’s ideas into practice?

  1. Find one person you wish to become more like.
  2. Acquire her book or follow her post or find his YouTube videos.
  3. Devote at least 20 minutes a day to reading/listening or spending time with your “new” friend for 30 days. Each day put ONE tip or idea into your daily life.
  4. Keep on enthusiastically practicing each item you have learned for the full thirty days, by which time it will likely be pretty much automatic.
  5. Say “Thank You” when people complement you on “the change they can’t put their finger on.”

Feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this topic or anything else.   If this post helped you, please “like” it below.  If you think someone else might appreciate it, email it to them or share this post on your preferred social media outlet.  Thank you for spending your precious time reading this post.

May you live long and in abundance,

J. Scot Blackburn, Esq.
about.me/attorneyblackburn

IF YOU COULD DO ANYTHING IN LIFE, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

What if you had no limitations?

What if you had no limitations?

If you could do anything you wanted to in life without limitations.  With no chance of failure.  What would you do?

Seriously, take a minute and think about it.  What would you do?

What if you could do anything?  What would you do?

You know that the ONLY thing stopping you is fear.  You know that, right?

Just go do it.

Our Life Formula can be stated like this (I may be mistaken, but believe we owe this to Jack Canfield)

E + R = O

E + R = O

Life's Formula:  E+R=O

Life’s Formula: E+R=O

Which stands for:  Events + Response = Outcome

Events + Response = Outcome

If you are unhappy with the OUTCOME of your life, then change it!

Change the one and only thing we can change as humans:  Our response.

If life has given you this equation:  2 + 5 = 7;

You cannot change the 2, but we can always change the 5.  If you do not like 7, change your response!  Oh, and by the way…everyone has the 2.  So you can either get busy or sit around complaining.

AM I GOING TO BE A GAME-CHANGER, OR A DRIFTER?  Only I can decide if I want to drift along, accept whatever happens, and be angry or depressed about it.  But no one wants to live their life having people be sorry for them.  The only alternative is to become a game-changer and create the Life you want.

Look inside and TRULY DECIDE what I want from this life.  This is not a dress rehearsal.  Your time on this planet is getting shorter.

What am I willing to do to get where I want to go?

M.J. did not make his high school hoops squad

M.J. did not make his high school hoops squad

Michael Jordan did not make his high school basketball team.  Now he has six world championship NBA basketball rings, is generally acknowledged as the greatest player ever, and is a multi-millionaire.

                Air Jordan could have easily let his high school coach’s decision to not put Mike on the team stop him from pursuing his dream.  But he would not let fear come between him and basketball.

FEAR is THE dream-killer.

Picture yourself on a quarter-mile track and remember:  Life is not a sprint.  It is a marathon.  Just keep putting one-step in front of the other.  ANYTHING is possible if you just make a daily effort to attain it.  A daily consistent yeomen’s effort is always better than a herculean but irregular effort.

Live Your Dream!

Live Your Dream!

Look inside and TRULY DECIDE, right now, the course of your life.  If you are willing to do what it takes; you have already assured yourself of success the moment you make a 100% commitment to it.

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.

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