“I AM RESPONSIBLE!”
These three words will change your life if you let them.
Simply declare, “I am responsible!” and you liberate yourself from negative emotions, begin taking control of your life, and short-circuit and cancel out any negative emotions you may be experiencing. It doesn’t matter how long those negative emotions have unlawfully detained your thoughts, emotions, and well-being. The moment you declare, “I am responsible!” their reign of terror is ended as certainly as chopping down a tree results in its fruit dying.
Without saying “I am responsible!” to negative emotions; no progress is possible. Once you start saying “I am responsible!” to negative emotions, there are no limits to what you can be, do, have and become!
There is no such thing as a justified resentment.
There is no such thing as a justified resentment. Nice people suck and are lonely. Be kind — hated by some — but beloved by those who really matter. You can rationalize all day long — or you can be successful — but not both. Blaming and complaining send the message to your subconscious that it can be idle since you are waiting for someone else to get their act together. Accepting 100% responsibility demands the most out of your two most powerful motivators: Your subconscious mind and your emotions.
Saying “I am responsible!” whenever you start to feel upset frees you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to begin channeling your energies and enthusiasm into a productive response to those negative emotions. Being 100% responsible propels you in an entirely different, and completely fulfilling, direction.
Accepting 100% responsibility propels you towards the abundant life of your dreams.
Declaring “I am responsible!” is the Truth. Blaming your parents is a lie. Complaining about your education is a lie. Justifying your poor behavior because of your job, or boss, or lack of money: Lie, lie, lie. Rationalizing based on your religion, or pastor, or the gossip queen two rows down on the left: Three more lies. I AM RESPONSIBLE!
That is The Truth. And The Truth shall set you free!
No one else is responsible for your life: You are!
No one can hold you back or make decisions for you: Only you can!
So make this decision right now! “I AM RESPONSIBLE!”
Make this decision right now! – “I AM RESPONSIBLE!”
And then make this decision: “SINCE I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE, I COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE ABUNDANT LIFE OF MY DREAMS A REALITY! I NEITHER QUIT NOR BLAME OTHERS. FOR I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE AND I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS A REALITY!”
“SINCE I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE, I COMMIT TO DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THE ABUNDANT LIFE OF MY DREAMS A REALITY! I NEITHER QUIT NOR BLAME OTHERS. FOR I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR MY LIFE AND I WILL MAKE MY DREAMS A REALITY!”
To your freedom,
Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht. spent her valuable time reviewing this series of posts for us and making them better. As you know, she is a beloved hypnotherapist. Take action now to become one of those clients who is always raving about the immediate and lasting change Dawnmarie ushered into their life. Contact her now to set up your appointment at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com, or review her website at dreamconversions.net. Dawnmarie will help you even if you don’t live in Los Angeles. Her telephone appointments are just as effective as her in-office meetings. Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!
Dear Prefixed Life,
My nephew ******** is supposed to be baptized in a month. His parents are good people but they don’t attend church. They don’t think my nephew is ready to be baptized because he still does a bunch of stuff that typical 13-year old boys do and they think he will be a bad example for others of how a baptized Christian is supposed to act. They won’t forbid him from being baptized, but they want me to speak with him since we go to the same church and see if I can get him to wait until he is more mature.
I agree that he should perhaps wait a year or so, but I think his parents should talk to him about this; not me.
Do you think I speak to him? And, if so, what should I say to him?
Misha in Los Angeles
Thank you for taking your valuable time to write the Prefixed Life and entrusting us to opine on this question that is clearly important to you, your nephew, and your nephew’s parents.
First, definitely speak with him.
But notice I said speak with him. Not speak to him. The difference is huge…especially to a 13-year old.
Teenagers need our love and our attention. But more than anything, most teenagers need acceptance and to know grown-ups care about them during this awkward stage of their lives.
Speak with him. But not because you have an agenda to push on him with regard to baptism. Speak with him because you like him, you care about him, and you enjoy spending time with him. If the conversation happens to turn to baptism (and only if it naturally goes there — no reason to force it), be prepared with a few questions to ask him about it.
Then all of you have to do is:
Don’t fake being interested so you can get to the part where you deliver your advice.
Actually be interested.
Although we would like to think that kids act and behave how their parents have been raised them, modern studies tend to show otherwise. The truth is that the majority of kids who are in their early teens tend to think, speak, and behave in the matter which the grown-ups in their life expect them to.
If you want him to mature and “be an example of a proper Christian” preaching at him won’t work. Depending on how influential you are in his life, he may follow your advice whatever it is. But, ultimately, that would not be a good thing. He should not be living his life to please his parents, or Auntie Misha, or his religion’s dictates.
This is his life, and his decision, and his relationship with his God.
If you want him to mature or act better, then decide how you would treat him if he was “the model Christian.” And treat him accordingly. If you give him the advice that he should wait for a year what you are subtly communicating to him is that he is not mature, and that is not ready to have a relationship with God, and that since he is still a sinner he is not yet ready for a deeper connection with God.
But if, instead, you treat him like he is already a mature follower-of-God and communicate that because of his status with God and his maturity; you might be shocked how quickly he steps us and fills those roles.
True Love never seeks to persuade others to do what we want them to do. True Love always empowers others to find out who they are. And become that. And True Love accepts their decision, accepts them, encourages them, and cares. Always.
That is what Love is.
This might be hard for you to accept. If you cannot accept it, then do not. You obviously care a lot about this young man and his parents. All three are blessed to have you in their life. As long as you demonstrate that you care, accept, and Love all three of them — any decision you make — will be the right one.
One final thought: We often develop the thought that we need to “clean ourselves up” before we go to God. I don’t know any religion that actually teaches this. God accepts us and loves us exactly as we are. If we wait to go to God because we aren’t mature enough or still commit sins or don’t attend church regularly enough, or any other reason — we don’t yet understand God and what God is all about.
We go to God and then He will help us become better. Trying to become better so God will accept us . . . defeats the purpose . . . and quite often results in us never actually making the decision to go to God.
I wish you, your nephew, and your nephew’s folks all the best — and will keep a good thought for all of you. If your nephew does decide to be baptized, please let me know when and where that will occur. I would be honored to witness a young man publicly declare he wishes to become better by deepening his relationship to our Tender Creator.
From my heart to yours,
Note: This post is the third in The Gatekeeper of My Truth series. We recommend you first read the original post “I Am the Gatekeeper of My Truth” and Karen’s response to it, “Am I the Gatekeeper of My Truth??” Click here for Part 4, “KOINONIA”
If I am correctly reading Karen’s response “Am I the Gatekeeper of My Truth??” she is disturbed by my grammatical construction employing the personal adjective “my” to expand the meaning of the word “Truth.” Truth, Karen explicates, is by definition “the actual state of a matter, conformity with fact or reality, a verified or indisputable fact, or what actually is.” Karen then shares with us that she does not trust herself, or any human, to be her gatekeeper and desires Jesus to function as her Gatekeeper of Truth.
Thus, **Scotty believes** Karen’s Truth is Karen Will Tell Her Truth, And Her Whole Truth, and nothing but Karen’s Truth; but cannot be Trusted with THE Truth. So help her, [Son of] God.
I only somewhat apologize for the lame courtroom humor and even lamer intended pun(s). Whether or not my paraphrase includes even trace amounts of humor value, **I believe** it is an accurate statement of Karen’s Truth as expressed in her post “Am I the Gatekeeper of My Truth??”
But that assertion is ** My Truth** Or, said another way, the above paraphrase is what I believe to be True.
Why do I believe what I believe about Karen’s Truth? And why may it be different than your belief about Karen’s Truth? After all, in this case “THE Truth” does exist — it is whatever Karen’s belief is.
If you don’t know Karen, you will simply read her post, itself, and come to some conclusion about what she believes.
Now, if instead, you were to read her biography prior to reading the post in question – that would likely alter your perception of what “Karen’s Truth” is. Notice that none of the words in her actual post would have changed, but you would know more about Karen from which to interpret her blogged words. Or, the “lens” through which you viewed her written blog would have changed your perception of The Truth.
I have known Karen since I was 14 and she was 13 (Interesting side note here: Back when we were teenagers I was older than her. Now, however, she is older than me!). I cannot somehow set aside everything I know about Karen in trying to determine exactly what she meant by her post. So, I will undoubtedly see the words of her post through the “lens” of a 30-year friendship.
If we were to give her parent or child the task of writing down a paraphrased sentence or two encapsulating Karen’s Truth vis-à-vis her blog post, we would likely have yet another “Truth.”
What I am saying is the only way any of us could know for sure is to ask Karen to articulate her exact belief for us – which in this example is “THE Truth.” I think this is what Karen is attempting to explain in her blog: Namely, that there is always THE Truth out there somewhere…even if it is not knowable, or not yet known, by humans.
So, we will just have Karen explain exactly what she meant when she wrote the post. Problem solved, right? Now, we will definitively receive THE Truth, correct?
That will not work, either.
Depending on where we grew up, our context of certain words, our education level, emotional triggers, and dozens of other tiny, each by itself next-to-imperceptible differences in the way we process feelings, data, information and events of our Lives – and how we link them all together — each of us will come to a slightly different conclusion as to exactly what Karen meant as she tries to explain to us exactly what she meant (“THE Truth”).
This is true even if she were to explain it to us in person, where we all could read her body language, tonality, posture, inflection, facial expressions, gestures, pauses, and all the rest. Moreover, as each moment passes from the time Karen wrote the blog, she will forget the exact focus she had in mind, her reasons for choosing certain words over others, and the influences she drew on. As she is asked to re-tell “THE Truth” she will not tell it verbatim each time – it may generally mean something similar to the previous time she told it. But each time it will be slightly different. A year from now when she stumbles across her post, she may interpret her own words in a completely different light.
And by Karen’s definition — even the tiniest, slightest, perhaps even completely imperceptible difference — is NO LONGER THE Truth, but merely [someone]’s Truth.
Having said that, I actually agree with the theoretical part of Karen’s proposition.
I believe she concedes that for many things humans have not yet advanced enough to have the resources, understanding, or technology to determine “THE Truth.” Additionally, while no generalization is wholly true, especially this one – I think that “THE Truth” is essentially limited to simple equations (1+1 = 2) and common facts that are considered beyond dispute. After all, I can find a book or internet website that informs me which kind(s) of enemy or predator cause ostriches to stick their heads in sand, who has hit the most home runs in a single major league baseball season, what the ninth planet in our solar system is named, what type of animal horns Vikings affixed to their helmets, and so forth.
But I am not sure that ‘facts’ are great sources of debate.
Generally, when we get into heated discussions with our spouse, or Loved Ones, friends, or fellow Church members – we are no longer discussing something that is a “Fact”. What we find is the overwhelming majority of time, we are now discussing, debating, and arguing — our “Story” versus the Other’s “Story”.
This is where I believe “Karen’s Truth” requires extreme caution. It may well be “True” in theory.
But in practice, if I am not fully alert; I will start confusing facts (things that have an ultimate “THE Truth”) with stories (interpretations of facts, events, and circumstances, modified by feeling and emotions that NEVER contain an ultimate “THE Truth”). And unless the value of the Truth at issue is more valuable than THE RELATIONSHIP I must stay alert to the fact I am jeopardizing the health of my relationship with the Other, and may be in danger of damaging or destroying that marriage, dating relationship, or friendship altogether.
Think that is over-dramatic? Then think about the last couple you know who were divorced and replay some of the things one of the spouses told you about the break-up. Almost certainly, most everything that comes to mind will be “facts” or things that “seem like facts” with perhaps a judgment or two thrown in for good measure. You have done this, and so have I. . . but we all know these are not truly facts — undisputed data points — there are stories. They are your friend’s version or perception of the reality of what went wrong.
At the end of the day, whether we wish to admit it to ourselves or others (or not), we failed.
That is okay. Humans fail. It is part of being human. There is no shame in it unless we allow those same mistakes to damage or ruin our next relationship.
But here’s the thing: Any time I start telling my friend what my husband, or co-worker, or pastor, or girlfriend did wrong. And it is a laundry list. And I don’t own responsibility for my mistakes . . . I am inherently telling myself and the universe that I did nothing wrong. That I am not responsible.
But that just isn’t so. In extremely rare cases, I may not have done anything ‘wrong,’ but even in that case — I AM responsible. I entered into a relationship that i enjoyed (at some point) and the Other and Me let it somehow turn from good to bad. I AM responsible.
So are they. No matter how terrible I was.
But until and unless I claim responsibility, I am powerless to identify and fix what went wrong. Which means I am destined to repeat those same relationship mistakes. Over. And Over.
So it would do us well to remember that ,most of the time when we are in conflict with another — whether it is a marital squabble or congregational theological policy — what we are discussing are not ‘facts.’ We are arguing over mere stories we tell ourselves. And that is okay if we are debating with a trusted friend or spouse and both parties remember that they are swapping stories.
But I, for one, rarely do remember that.
Which is why I am hesitant to refer to “THE Truth” instead of “My Truth.”
Click here to read part two of this post (when it is published – tentatively set for 1/3/2015)
Are you going through a difficult time in your Life right now? If you are not, perhaps a friend or family member is? It seems that difficult times are rarely far away for us or for those we Love.
The Roman Philosopher Seneca wrote: “It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. – Seneca
Surprisingly, it is nearly always the case that we are not depressed, or weary, or tired of Life because of our circumstances.
We are depressed, or weary, or sad far more often because we don’t have an overriding mission for our Life, or we lack a clear vision of what our unique contribution to the world will be.
So we stay in the job that barely pays the bills but provides very little satisfaction. We stay with the boyfriend or girlfriend who we don’t Love, but with whom we are comfortable. We rely on what our well-meaning but flawed human parents, teachers, and pastors taught us of our religion instead of forging a personal one-on-one dynamic friendship with our God.
Let us Dare! It much more fulfilling, more worthy of us . . . and much easier!
From my heart to yours,
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot
You create the portrait of your Life. You, and only you, get to choose each day the colors with which you will paint, the brushes with which you will paint, and each and every brushstroke. Sure, some people start with a better canvas. Many people begin their adult life with a much worse canvas.
But each of us has paint and paint brushes. If we would only stop complaining about our canvas, and begin painting, we would soon be delighted with the Life Portrait we are producing.
How are you feeling about the portrait you have painted of your Life thus far? Are you a ‘work in progress’? Are you hoping that some lucky incident will magically give you the Life you desire? Or have you produced the ‘masterpiece’ you always knew you could be?
The great thing about Life is that even if you feel incomplete, frustrated, and like you will never get to where you want to be . . . one simple choice can change all of that.
Tomorrow awaits. It is beckoning brightly. Affix in your mind the person you wish to be. Then dare to paint the Life that you want – one day at a time. Do not settle for anything less. Determine now — this instant — that you will let nothing and no one derail you tomorrow from doing whatever it takes to become that person.
And simply repeat that formula the following day. And the next one after that.
Will you have frustrating days where you feel you did not make progress? Of course.
But if you will make that commitment – each day – I promise that you will look back in six months, and a year, and five years from now and you will be that person.
And should you fail to make that commitment…you can be sure you will wake up six months from now, or a year, or five years . . . and you will be more-or-less where you are today.
The Choice is always yours! Why not start on this person you wish to be today?
From my heart to yours,
“Truth is the highest thing that man may keep.” -Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
“It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates.” ― Nisargadatta Maharaj
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” ― Virginia Woolf
“What people believe prevails over the truth.” – Sophocles, The Sons of Aleus
“One lie has the power to tarnish a thousand truths.” ― Al David
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ― Khalil Gibran
“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them” ― Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island
“A worship of truth can be idolatry if the truth is small enough.” -Austin O’Malley, Keystones of Thought
“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” ― Mark Twain
“Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons.” ― Michael Jackson
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
“We are what we believe we are!” ― C.S. Lewis
“Pure truth, like pure gold, has been found unfit for circulation, because men have discovered that it is far more convenient to adulterate the truth, than to refine themselves.” – Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon
“The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.” ― Jarod Kintz
“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
“I believe in the fundamental truth of all great religions of the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ― Ernest Hemingway
“There are no facts, only interpretations.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
“No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong.” ― François de La Rochefoucauld
“The Truth Will Set You Free.” The Bible, John 8.32
It is your choice now that will forever shape your destiny.
If I don’t know my purpose; I must find it.
AND I MUST FIND IT NOW! That one simple item will change EVERYTHING!
To Accept myself and others fully and without judgment. I let go of who I ‘should be’ and embrace who I actually am. I let go of how religion tells me ‘God wants me to be,’ and Accept that He made me exactly as He wanted me to be. I don’t honor God by trying to be something I am not. I honor God by being exactly how He made me. I Live with the courage to be imperfect.
To Be Personally and 100% Responsible for EVERYTHING in my Life. If I don’t like it, I can change it. If a person doesn’t belong in my Life; I let them go. If I hate my address; I can change it. I am not a tree. What I cannot do is complain, blame, gripe, or gossip as these are hallmarks of someone who knows things can be better; but is not willing to take the personal responsibility of making them better.
To never quit. To constantly clarify what an Abundant Life means to me. To picture already having that Life and how I will feel. Intensifying those feelings. Often. Persevering no matter what!
To Joyfully live in Authentic Abundance; by Living in Truth, with Love and Respect for all Living things, and to be compassionate, kind, and Loving to myself and others. To be a Beacon of light and Love.
To Live Loud, Openly, Authentically and Courageously; and find an authentic way to Applaud or Encourage every person I meet.
To stand up for what I believe in. To challenge ideas and viewpoints when they need to be challenged; firmly yet respectfully – keeping in mind that a Person who is wrong is far more important than my Idea, even if right.
To Live in Heaven; now and forever, remembering that Heaven, by definition, is wherever God is. And God is Love (1 John 4.8). So I have the power to take Heaven wherever I choose, by choosing to take Love with me everywhere I go.
To have fun doing the most important and enjoyable things I can think of doing. To Live so purposefully, proactively, powerfully and passionately – that my Life is My Sermon.
And to purposefully design my Life so that five years or less from today, I will be able, with four words, to authentically respond to someone asking me, “What would you do with your life if you could do anything at all?”
‘What I am doing.’
This post begins with OVERCOMING FEAR: THE COURAGE TO BECOME A HERO (PART 1)
We all want and need heroes. And we can all become heroes. But JFK was certainly correct when he advised of would be heroes: “Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.”
But if you know your purpose and Live with direction, courage is often nothing more than the power and testicular fortitude to say “No.” J. K. Rowling hit it right on the mark with: “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”
“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” – J.K. Rowling
Sometimes it takes a great deal more courage to stand opposed to our friends. And sometimes that is what a Real Man is called upon to do.
And the rewards are incredible. According to Morihei Ueshiba: “Loyalty and devotion lead to bravery. Bravery leads to the spirit of self-sacrifice. The spirit of self-sacrifice creates trust in the power of Love.”
No matter what, though, we have One Friend we need never stand up to, we have One Friendship that will always be completely in our corner, and fully backing us.
And NOT just when we ‘are good.’ When we fail. When we fail miserably. When we sin in the worst and most despicable way. When our friends desert us and our problems appear insurmountable. When everything in our world seems dark, and when all other lights seem to have failed.
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NAS
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NAS
“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne
Haile Selassie said, “We must become bigger than we have been: more courageous, greater in spirit, larger in outlook. We must become members of a new race, overcoming petty prejudice, owing our ultimate allegiance not to nations but to our fellow men within the human community.”
The prophet, Isaiah, offers this on courage: ‘Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.’ – Isaiah 41:10 NLT
There is no higher praise a man can receive than being labeled courageous. There is no moniker evidencing greater disdain than calling a man a “coward.” In most tribal cultures courage, for men at least, courage is the only characteristic measured in determining one’s place in society.
A man who possesses an abundance of courage will be forgiven a host of other shortcomings, but it is difficult to appreciate any other quality in a man who lacks courage.
“Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”, as Maya Angelou astutely penned.
“Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency” – Maya Angelou
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NIV
According to Winston Churchill, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Indeed, courage is multi-faceted in the way it manifests itself. It can be seen in one who faces death or destruction bravely. It is witnessed in the character of one who is unwilling to sway her opinion in the face of peer pressure or government or religious coercion. It may be seen in the soldier charging a machine gun nest to save his buddies, but is no less valid when it is a man deciding to become the unshakable emotional fortress for his family — when life becomes complicated and troubles abound at home.