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YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE (Part II)

NOTE:  This is part II.  Click here to read Part I first.

Whether it’s our job (or job search), or where we live, or the amount of money we make, or the amount of money we have saved, or progress (or lack) towards our goals, our spiritual journey, the car we drive, the way we are raising our kids, how prestigious our home is, etc. etc. etc.  — at the end of the day, we can blame someone or something else, play the victim, and “feel” a tiny bit better in telling ourselves and the world we are not responsible since “that” situation or event caused it.  Or that I could do it except for “this” person.  Or if it wasn’t for this situation, I would definitely . . . .  Or perhaps that event.  Or maybe today it’s the weather.  Or the government.  Or the other political party.  Or my pastor.  Or my religion.

The Wages of Blame

Or . . . maybe its the ‘common thread’ tying all of the above together?

Me??!?  Nah.  Couldn’t be.

Me?!?

How about if we take the laboring oar and decide on a destination?  How about we decide to paddle our boat to that destination, come what may?  How about making a 100% decision that I will no longer complain of rapids or unfavorable winds or waves or sea turtles or that someone else is rich and got a faster boat when they were born.

How about I decide on My Destination and quit worrying about the boat some rich kid has.  After all, if I really wanted to be truthful, I would look around and likely notice that a lot of folk don’t even have boats.  They have an intertube or a piece of cardboard.  And many of them have made it to where they wished to go in life.  And every one of them who did reach their destination made a complete decision that they were 100% responsible for getting to wherever they wished to go.

How about you?  It requires only a simple decision to leave the comforting, but unsatisfying “ors” behind and set off immediately on this Voyage of Your Life.  Do you have the courage?

All we must do to have our dream life, now and forever, is to recognize we have prostituted our lives for our “ors”. . .  ‘Or’ that I could do it except for “this” person.  ‘Or’ this situation . . . .  ‘Or’ perhaps that event.  ‘Or’ maybe today it’s the weather.  ‘Or’ the government.  ‘Or’ the other political party.  ‘Or’ my pastor.  ‘Or’ my religion. ‘Or’ crappy childhood.

Are you really so tied to your life that you won’t even try another approach?

It really is as simple as deciding we are no longer willing to prostitute ourselves for cheap, and making instead, a 100% decision to leave our . . . ‘Or’ House.

It really is as simple as deciding we are no longer willing to prostitute ourselves for cheap, and making instead, a 100% decision to leave our  ‘Or’ House.

I can change.  You can change.  We all can change.  Often immediately.  But invariably in far less time than we ever thought possible.

And what if I am wrong.  What if it is not “quite that easy?”

I don’t know.  Try harder, I guess.  What I know without question is this:  If it is the most difficult thing you have ever done — it will still be a helluva lot easier than dragging that sign around everyday that says, “Look at me.  I’m a victim.  I’m a loser who is so defeated I can’t even admit it to myself what a loser I am.”

The Road is Not Hidden. My Path Not a Mystery. The Only Question is: Will I Choose It?

The worst part is that everyone else sees that sign from miles away.  Every single person.  Like Adam and Eve — we aren’t foolin’ anyone…except ourselves, perhaps.

Now, we try to cover it up by attracting people into our lives who won’t call us out on our B.S.  So, pretty soon our inner circle of friends consists of a whole group of irresponsible, self-deceiving, gossiping, blamers who carry around the same loser sign – but never call out each other for keeping that sign.  But it doesn’t change the fact that every single person in our life knows that we are simply making excuses.  Everyone knows we could be so much more.  Everyone knows we could have so much more.  We know it most of all.  We know we are like Adam or Eve proffering our ridiculous excuses to God.  We absolutely understand we aren’t fooling anybody.  Especially ourselves.  We are ensuring, though, that given some time — every single person we call a friend will suck just as much as we do . . . but at least we all belong to the same code of silence.  No one will call us out on our excuses.  Since we are all asphyxiating in that same mediocrity.

Wouldn’t it be much easier to simply claim 100% responsibility? 

Wouldn’t it be much easier to simply claim 100% responsibility?

Wouldn’t life be grand if I decide to identify the real issue?  And fix it?  Or am I so utterly delighted in my life of shame, guilt, remorse and the regret of not becoming all I am capable of . . . that I wish to stay as I am and continue carrying around my giant loser sign that is visible to everybody?


What the problem is not:

Excuses and Shame. Or Love and Life. You call that a TOUGH decision?

Starting is the hardest part.  Try as we might, we will tend to blame our ex.  Or perhaps many of our exes.  Or the person we know we should break up with, but haven’t gotten around to it just yet.  We may blame the distance between us, or the closeness. Or their table manner.  Or kids.  Or how they try to dodge responsibility my making lists. We sometimes will point the figure at sex and suggest that it is the realculprit:  And the rapid post-intercourse changes in our relationship makes it seem a viable and legitimate culprit. . .

But no.  It is me.  I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

But my partner used to be fun, spontaneous, a tad dangerous, mysterious, creative, and unpredictable.  And he used to ride a motorcycle.  She used to weigh 20 pounds less and didn’t require nearly as much makeup.  And she used to like having sex with me on a regular . . .

No.  No, thank you.  It is me.  I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

He used to be so focused and driven.  She used to work really hard at making our relationship work.  I give the same effort I always did . . . but my partner is slacking off for no reason I can think of.  I understand that in our parents’ day they had to work hard.  It’s easier now, but we all expect those same things now without the same hard work:  A nice car and home is practically guaranteed. . . certainly in the U.S., right?  So why has she given up on our goals?  Why has he jettisoned his passion?  Why is . . .

No!  I alone am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

But why?  Why does he no longer focus on these things with a passion?  I mean, sure, I expect to be entertained by my television for a few hours each day and assume that the road workers will keep the snow swept up so I can make it to my gym, or piano lesson, but so does everyone else.  Although I do see how expectation leads to entitlement, and I know entitlement leads to a lack of effort.  Ok, perhaps we are both giving slightly less effort than when we first met… and pretty soon we are no longer having sex.  And then every thing else starts to fall apart.  But really, s/he is failing a lot more than . . .

Blame or Become Responsible: It is 100% Your Choice.

No!  I have failed.  But I am done failing.  I am responsible! I am 100% responsible for my Love Life.

And what about all my dreams and all the stories we heard as kids of what the “model relationship” should be. I don’t want to give up my Prince Charming meets James Bond plus 10% dangerous, unpredictable bad boy idealization.  I don’t want to settle for less than the Swedish Bikini Team plus Ms. America who does crazy unmentionable things in the bedroom . . . although still a virgin . . .

Oh wait.  I know,  I know.  I can have those qualities . . .all of them.  And more!  But only if

I admit I am 100% responsible and accept 100% responsibility for my Love Life!

Okay.  Fine.  I am in.  Where do I begin?

(Click here to return to Part I of this post)

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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THREE WORDS GUARANTEED TO IMMEDIATELY BANISH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

NOTE: this is Part II.  Click for Part III or Part IV.  Click the following link to read Part I of this post: “Three Words Guaranteed to Instantly Banish Negative Emotions

As we discussed in Part I, happiness is a constant when we are daily engaged in work that excites us, helps others, is worthy of our time and energy, and moves us towards achieving our Life Purpose.  It is a fallacy to believe we are “less happy” or “unhappy” or even that our happiness fluctuates all that much.  What is actually occurring is that our ability to feel that happiness is being dissipated or overcome by one or more of the “six negative” emotions — fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and/or rage.

It is shockingly simple to remove the offending negative emotion(s) when we consciously identify that one or more of the “negative six” is interfering with our ability to experience happiness.  Once we remove the negative emotion(s) we rapidly return to a state of happiness.

Trojan Horses Rely on Being Undetected

Trojan Horses Rely on Being Undetected

These “negative six” emotions are easy to identity and manage once you understand how they infiltrate our emotions.  The “negative six” camouflage themselves and attempt to enter your psyche undetected inside a host container, which we will call a “Trojan Horse.”

(Referenced in Homer’s Odyssey, the Trojan Horse tale depicts the Greek army unsuccessfully besieging the city of Troy.  For ten years, the virtually unassailable wall encircling Troy protected the city. Trojan warriors atop the wall could rain arrows down upon invaders while virtually no return fire could reach them.  After a decade, the Greek general, Odysseus, had enough.  Odysseus ordered his army to construct a trophy acknowledging Troy’s battle superiority: a gigantic, beautiful, wooden horse.  After building the Horse, the entire Greek army sailed away in defeat.  The elated Trojans pulled the colossal horse into their city and the celebration began!  The victory was hollow, however, because the horse was hollow, too.  Under cover of darkness, the Grecian soldiers hiding inside crept out and opened the gates for the Greek army — who had sailed back to Troy under cover of darkness.  The Greek army entered the city and easily defeated the partied-out city of Troy.

Today, we use the metaphor “Trojan Horse” to describe a ploy where a victim is duped into allowing something unwanted into a susceptible region. Trojan Horse viruses, for instance, infiltrate computers by hiding inside apparently useful software or email.  Once the malicious program slips past the computer’s defenses, however, the rogue binary code is unleashed.)

Are Your Defensive Wall Unassailable to Negative Emotions?

Are Your Defensive Wall Unassailable to Negative Emotions?

How many of us would choose to feel fearful, jealous, or inferior if these emotions just rolled up to us, announced their presence, and asked to be let into our psyche?  “Hell, no!” we would scream as we rained arrows down from our elevated position, easily defeating them.

The “negative six” emotions rarely come at us openly and directly for just this reason.  They, like Odysseus’ army, utilize Trojan Horses instead.  But Trojan Horses are easily defeated because they rely on a complete lack of perception on the part of their victim to have any chance of success.  Had a single soldier in Troy recognized the trap, the result would have been much different.  Instead of the destruction of Troy, Troy would have easily captured two dozen of Greece’s finest warriors.  This result would have also ended the war — but with Troy the victor!

Prevent Trojan Horse Attacks!

Prevent Trojan Horse Attacks!

You, too, can easily be victorious when facing negative emotions.  All that is required is remaining watchful for potential Trojan Horses.  Negative emotions only employ four basic types of Trojan Horses.  Once you are aware of these four, you will be able to instantly spot them trying to infiltrate your emotions and rob you of your peace of mind and happiness.

The Four Trojan Horses of Emotional Apocalypse

1.     Justification.  A human’s default setting is happiness.  I can only experience negative emotions for the length of time that I tell myself I am entitled to feel them.  The moment I quit justifying the negative emotion is the moment it the moment it is expelled.  Soon, my happiness has “miraculously” returned.  Be a ruthless landlord of your emotions.  As soon as you notice some unsavory characters hanging around the apartment complex of your heart, mind and soul – begin the eviction process  by examining why you are justifying the emotion(s).  Try to remember that you are the one feeling crappy; not the event, situation, or other person.  Do you really want to continue feeling fearful or inferior or rage, while they remain completely unaffected?  Remove the justification, and you remove the negative emotion(s) automatically.

No Excuses! Accepting 100% Responsibility for Everything in Life Prevents Negative Emotions!

No Excuses! Accepting 100% Responsibility for Everything in Life Prevents Negative Emotions!

2.     Rationalization. When I rationalize, I am trying to offer a socially-acceptable reason for my unacceptable behavior. That is all I am doing.  I am making up an elaborate fairy tale in my head in hopes it will excuse my poor behavior.  Even if this worked, it is a lot of energy expended to explain my ill-actions . . . even though I still know that I am wrong.  What is worse, though, is that it never works.  People always see through our elaborate rationalizations.  So don’t waste your time and energy.  If you were in the wrong, just admit it.  Your happiness is at stake here, remember?

helmet-309161_1280Click here for Part III or Part IV in this series, or click return to Part I.  If you would like to be notified each time we publish a new post, feel free to “follow” us by clicking the follow button to the right.

To your happiness,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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I want to thank Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht., for her valuable time, wisdom and contributions to this series of posts.  Ms. Presley is an incredible hypnotherapist.  Her clients rave about the changes she ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had yet seen the results you desire, contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com. She usually helps new clients experience permanent change in a session or two.  Don’t live in Los Angeles?  It doesn’t matter: Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are just as effective as her in-office visits.  Call Dawnmarie or visit her website at dreamconversions.net and get your life back on track today!

THREE WORDS GUARANTEED TO INSTANTLY BANISH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

Happiness

This Baby Looks Happy!

This Baby Looks Happy!

We all want to be happy. We intuitively understand that the positive emotion of happiness is a by-product of living a purposeful, productive, fulfilling life.  And, this, in turn, produces a life abundant with peace of mind, joy, truth, and love. You probably also know that if you are living a purposeful, productive life there are only six basic barriers to happiness:  the negative emotions of fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and rage.

The six basic barriers to happiness are the negative emotions of fear, self-pity, envy, jealousy, inferiority, and rage.

We often envision happiness in terms of it fluctuating up and down like the temperature outdoors.  But that is an inaccurate model of how humans actually experience happiness.  Once a human is purposefully engaged in a productive venture — happiness exists.  If you feel that your work helps others and is worthy of your daily effort — your happiness does not fluctuate much at all. What is actually happening when I feel less happy than normal is that I am concurrently experiencing one or more of the “negative six emotions.”  These negative emotions cause us to feel less happy than we normally do.  When we allow ourselves to feel one or more of the “negative six” more powerfully than our happiness, we describe that result as ‘feeling unhappy.’  But the happiness is still there in the background, just as it always is.  We simply cannot feel it since we are choosing to experience the negative emotions more intensely at that time. To return to the state of happy, then, all that is necessary is to remove the negative emotion(s) interfering with our ability to feel, experience, and appreciate our happiness.

Removing Negative Emotions

But This Baby Does Not.

But This Baby Does Not.

O.K., that sounds good in theory.  But removing negative emotions is much more difficult in reality, correct?  I mean, it is much tougher to remove a negative emotion than just follow the simplistic advice we are often given to “just think positively.”  Right?   We cannot just say a few magic words and have negative emotions disappear as easily as a magician waves his wand through the air.  Isn’t that true? Well, actually; no.  It is that simple. That is all that is required.  A few magic words and perhaps an ‘abra-cadabra.’ Or an ‘a la kazam’. ‘Voila!’ If you prefer. And the negative emotions are gone.  Banished.  Ejected.  Vanquished.  Expelled.  Removed. Guaranteed! It doesn’t require faith in a certain deity, a visit to your therapist, changing to a paleo diet, meditating every day, or drinking more water. (Although there is little question all of these will help.  They will certainly curtail a ton of the “negative six emotions” from arising in the first place!)

Nor Does This Lil' Dude

Nor Does This Lil’ Dude

So what are the three magic words guaranteed to instantly evict the unwelcome negative emotions squatting in the apartment of your mind? To find out, come back here tomorrow to read “Three Words Guaranteed to Immediately Banish Negative Emotions, Part II” or click the “follow” button at the top on the right to be notified each time we post something new.

To your success,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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I want to thank Dawnmarie Presley, C.Ht., for spending her valuable time reviewing this series of posts and for sharing her depth of knowledge and insightful comments on this important topic with us.  Her wisdom greatly enhanced the clarity and insightfulness of this series.  Ms. Presley is an incredible hypnotherapist.  Her clients rave about the changes she immediately ushers into their lives. If you want to make lasting changes but haven’t had the success you desire thus far – contact Dawnmarie now at 818.217.6176 or HypnoticOffice@gmail.com. She usually helps new clients experience immediate and permanent change in a session or two.  Don’t live in Los Angeles?  It doesn’t matter: Ms. Presley provides telephone sessions that are equally effective as her in-office visits.  Call Dawnmarie now and get your life back on track today!

FUN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT DONE WRITE

This post is Part III.  The original post was “Have Fun Improving Yourself” and Part II was “Making Personal Development Fun!”  In this post we focus on a couple of fun self improvement ideas for those who believe that the pen is more powerful, and more fun, than the sword.

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Collect the thoughts that have seemed to you like a trumpet blast.

Collect the thoughts that have seemed to you like a trumpet blast.

“Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Your Owner's Manual

Your Owner’s Manual

Create Your Personal Owner’s Manual. Uncle Ralph will be proud. You don’t have to call it The Holy Bible if that seems sacrilegious to you.  Call it your Life Handbook or Scotty b.’s Owner’s Manual (you may want to insert your own name in place of Scotty b. unless you, too, were named after a small canine) or something else equally clever.

The idea is to memorialize all the elements which make your life great when you practice them.  You will be shocked as you review it from time to time how many things that make your life great, we often forget while busy in this modern life.  Remind yourself in your Life Handbook how to live life on your terms.  Jot down those things that make you fully come alive.   Remember what you did to make those memorable days so great. You might choose to include your objectives, values and goals.  No one on earth could write a better manual for your life…than you.  So have fun investing in yourself!

It's Blog Time!

It’s Blog Time!

Start a personal development blog. Studies have shown that we usually retain about 10% of what we hear in a lecture and about 10% of what we read, and about 20% when we do both . . . but a whopping 90% of what we teach others!  Even if you start your blog solely for the selfish reason of trying to retain 90% of the information you gather – won’t it be cool to help and encourage others while you are doing it?

Additionally, once you are in the public’s eye you will not be tempted to half-ass things or take long periods off.  Your fans are salivating for your next blog post after all.  So accept the challenge, improve yourself, your writing skills, and help out people all around the globe at the same time.  Not a bad way to spend a couple hours each week, eh?

Write right,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Return to the original post in this series, “Have Fun Improving Yourself” or go to Part II, “Making Personal Development Fun!

MAKING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT FUN!

This post is a continuation.  You may want to read the initial post, HAVE FUN IMPROVING YOURSELF!, first.  Today’s fun personal development ideas will be people focused.

More Fun Personal Development Ideas

Enlist a Mentor.  As many of the pioneers of personal development often said:  “The easiest road to success is to find someone who has accomplished what you want to accomplish, and do what they have done.   Think about the people in your life who you look up to. What qualities and characteristics do they possess that you would like to learn?  Decide that you will approach them, and let them know what you admire about them — and ask for their help in adopting some of the characteristics you admire.  There are very few people in this world who will turn down such a request.  As an added bonus, you might find them opening doors for your future that you could never have foreseen or imagined.

Pick Great Friends!

Pick Great Friends!

Take a Closer Look at Your Friends. Now that you have networked with someone on the outer perimeter of your social circle, look at those closest to you.  We all have amazing qualities.  Demand of yourself the discipline to start really paying attention to the awesome qualities of your family and closest friends.  Let them know about those qualities and ask them to teach you how to acquire those characteristics you admire.

Eliminate Hatred in Your Life.   Only in the last few years has science really begun to understand how damaging it is for us, as humans, to carry around hatred.  It does nothing to punish the object of our hate.  Instead, it wrecks our life, saps our vitality, and crushes our dreams.  We devastate ourselves and our future — and usually the other person doesn’t have a clue how we feel.  Decide now that you are not going to let ‘hate’ zap any more of your vital energy or destroy your peace of mind.  Abraham Lincoln said, “The best way to destroy an enemy . . . is to make him a friend.”

 “The best way to destroy an enemy . . . is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln, U.S. President

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

Abundance: Living in Joy, Truth and Love!

If you do anything of importance with your life, there will be people who oppose you and say mean things about you.  It is so seductively easy to hate them back.  It is also toxic quicksand.  It not only damages you, but it is probably a more difficult habit to break than heroin.  It seems incredibly hard to love these folks in return for their hate.  But it is rewarding on a scale like almost nothing else in life.  Being able to forgive and show love to those who despise you reminds you that you are 100% responsible for your life and fills you with peace.  Who most hates you?  Take actions, right now and send them an email or text.  Apologize if you have been wrong.  Humble yourself to them.  Show them love. See if you can find closure on past arguments.  If they refuse, make the decision to love them all the harder.  Why?  Because it is now they who are suffering…and that sucks as you know.  But being free of your attachment to hatred is liberating and infuses you with peace, joy, truth, and love.

With love,

Scotty b.

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

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Click here to read Part III in this series, Fun Personal Development Done Write

HAVE FUN IMPROVING YOURSELF!

Do you yearn to get better . . . but never seem to get around to doing the simple things that would make you so much better?  Or perhaps every once in a while, you do catch the fire to be all you can be and put in tremendous effort . . .but you can never seem to maintain the momentum for very long.

This is the post for you.

Your self-esteem will skyrocket the moment you commit to a daily process of personal development.  It is incredible to watch yourself becoming a better person today than you were yesterday. And knowing you will do it again tomorrow.  It is by daily striving to improve that we make the most of each day, lead fulfilling, adventurous, awesome lives; and truly come alive.

Have Fun At The Beach!

Have Fun At The Beach!

So how do we get started?  And remain moving forward each day?

The key to making personal development a life-long passion is:  fun!

The key to making personal development a life-long passion is:  fun!

If your self-improvement program includes a lot of items “you should do” or “must do” — you likely won’t stick with it for very long. . . if you ever even begin.  If instead you concentrate on only working on improving yourself (initially, at least) in areas that fascinate you, challenge you, and seem like tons of fun, you don’t have those “must dos” to avoid and you won’t be “should-ding” all over yourself.  😉

To Become . . . Just Have Fun!

To Become . . . Just Have Fun!

Search for self-improvement items that resonate with you.  Migrate to items where you don’t have to force yourself to do them.  Rather, pick from ideas that you cannot wait to begin.  Instead of working to try and push a boulder up a mountain.  Start with the boulder at the top of the mountain and just get it rolling.  Then, you’ll find it is very hard to stop.  Even if you wanted to.  Those are the best habits to develop!

Pretty soon you will look back on your life and see that many of your dreams have come to fruition, and that your life has become infinitely more fulfilling.

Here is my favorite one to get you started ‘thinking out of the box.’  We will be randomly posting more specific ideas for you from time-to-time and will try to remember to link them here.

But don’t forget the most important thing in your personal development program:  Have Fun!

Personal Development Fun Ideas

I read. Therefore I am.

I read. Therefore I am.

Become a Bookworm. Good books are overflowing with great advice and intelligence.  Not only that, but the approach of the author will almost always be different than your.  Just learning the way another sees the world allows you a whole new mindset from which to perceive and move through the world. The more you read, the more points of view you gain in dealing with people, events and situations.  And the best authors not only teach well, but do so in a refreshing and entertaining method that makes reading a lot of fun!

The foundational books of your library should include these, at minimum (in no particular order):

  • Eat That Frog (Brian Tracy)
  • The Republic (Plato)
  • Getting Things Done (David Allen)
  • The Declaration of Independence (Thomas Jefferson, with others esp. Franklin and Adams)
  • The Constitution of the United States of America (James Madison with many others)
  • The Winner Within (Pat Riley)
  • Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill)
  • The Art of War (Sun Tzu)
  • Galatians, I Corinthians 13, John’s Gospel and First Epistle (Bible)

    Isn't It Time To Read Some Great Books?

    Isn’t It Time To Read Some Great Books?

  • The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Steven Covey)
  • The Go-Giver (Burg and Mann)
  • How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci (Michael Gelb)
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
  • I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (Vince Antonucci)
  • Meditations (Marcus Aurelius)
  • Awaken the Giant Within (Anthony Robbins)
  • Why Your Life Sucks (Alan Cohen)
  • Barbarians at the Gate (Bryan Burrough and John Helyar)
  • Flags of Our Fathers (James Bradley)

For more fun personal development ideas, read the second post on this topic, MAKING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT FUN!

In Fun,

Scotty b.
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Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

BEING HAPPY: WHAT FACTOR MOST DETERMINES IF YOU ARE HAPPY?

What single factor most determines whether or not you experience positive feelings aka happiness?

(If you read The Prefixed Life you know we preach that 90% of your happiness or unhappiness is determined by your choice in a marriage or life partner. Okay, you busted us. We still endorse that view …But, let’s say, for purposes of this post: “the most readily-changeable item” that affects your happiness.   Cool?)

Is it:

Looking Good / Being Hot? Nope.

Do Dollars Equal Happiness?

Do Dollars Equal Happiness?

Amount of Money in Your Bank Account? Nah.

Being In Love?  Get right outta town.

Having Close Friends? Afraid not.

Your Salary:  Not even warm.

Amazing Sex Life? Probably should be. But no.

Reading The Prefixed Life Daily? I can only assume that this isn’t numero uno because the dorks at the Journal of blah, blah, blah hadn’t heard about us yet . . .

A few years ago, The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology announced that the number one factor determining whether a human is happy is . .  .

Self-Directed Equals Happiness!

Self-Directed Equals Happiness!

“autonomy.”

Autonomy is the Greatest Determinant of Human Happiness.

A host of studies and reports have since confirmed the results of this study.

 

 

What is autonomy?

It is “the feeling that your life – its activities and habits — are self-chosen and self-endorsed” and the belief that your life and purpose matters.

Studies repeatedly find that those who feel they are in control of their life report the very highest levels of happiness.   To see if this passes the accuracy “smell test,” let’s consider it from the inverse first. When you are most unhappy, what is generally going on in your life? A relationship just fell apart, your job or career is in jeopardy, a beloved pet dies, a friend moves away from you, a natural disaster strikes where you live.

Are You In Control? Or a Mere Puppet on Strings?

Are You In Control? Or a Mere Puppet on Strings?

Have you noticed that a month or two later, you suddenly realize that some of your clothes are rather tight, or your checking account has a lot less money than you thought, or you have a major car issue that could have been avoided with regular maintenance.

Perhaps don’t drink as much water; don’t meditate or pray as much; you may feel lethargic and sluggish; you eat more snacks; life is not quite as vibrant or interesting; although you hadn’t realized it . . . you don’t hang out with your close friends as much.

What is going on here?  (More to Read in Part II, coming shortly)

Written autonomously by,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

BE HAPPY: BECOME WHO YOU WISH TO BE!

NOTE:  This is part two of two.  You should first read “You Can Be Anything in Life…Once You Decide To Not Be Who You Are Supposed To Be

In part one we described how much the rest of this planet will miss your contribution(s) if you elect to become what your parent or priest or teacher or religion wants . . . instead of what you want to be.

But I want their approval.

You want them to be proud of you? Your friends and family are going to be proud of you when you are living in such a fashion that you are content and fulfilled. And if they are not, they don’t deserve the title ‘friend’ or even ‘family.’ And what happens when you cure cancer, or win the Nobel Peace Prize, or Pulitzer, or discover a new animal species, or invent something that revolutionizes the world. . . you think they are not going to be proud then?!

And, uh, you aren’t going to do any of those thing ‘being a good little worker bee,’ trudging in to a little job you hate, in your tiny little corporate cube each week. Doing work that you can’t stand.  Just to “make a living.”

But let’s be clear:  You are just “making an existence.”  Working at something you don’t love is most certainly not “making a living.”

I know it takes courage to quit and find something you love.   Especially when it seems like everybody wants you to “play it safe.”

Thomas Alva Didn't 'Play It Safe.'

Thomas Alva Didn’t ‘Play It Safe.’

I am sure Edison’s friends and family told him to ‘play it safe’.

But in daytime, of course, since people couldn’t socialize at night before he invented the light bulb.

MJ Changed Entire Industries!

MJ Changed Entire Industries!

I am sure that’s what Michael Jordan’s friends and family told him after he got cut from the basketball team his first year in high school.

Before he revolutionized the game, team sports in general, and the athletic apparel industry.

I am sure ‘play it safe’ was advice that Martin Luther King, Jr. heard many, many times.

But mostly from African-American folk. Since back then we openly, notoriously, and chillingly discriminated against people based solely on the amount of pigment in their skin.

Dr. King Didn't 'Play It Safe!'

Dr. King Didn’t ‘Play It Safe!’

Luckily, for all of us, the Good Reverend “Had A Dream” and he would not be silenced. Not by the nay-sayers. Not by those who wanted him to “play it safe.” Dr. King’s voice couldn’t even be silenced by a cowardly assassin’s bullet.

I promise you that if Dr. King was given the choice to live to a hundred years of age doing a ‘corporate job’ he hated or die in the prime of his life doing what he loved. And what he knew needed doing.  And what he knew God had blessed him and designed him to do.

He would choose the assassin’s bullet without hesitation.

How do I know that?   Because Dr. King got to live before he died.

We are all going to die. Every one of us. Though we don’t know the exact day, we know that day is coming. The real question is not whether we are doing to die.   Or when that day will be.

The real question is:   Will we choose to live before that day arrives?

We are all going to die. Every one of us. Though we don’t know the exact day, we know that day is coming. The real question is not whether we are doing to die.   Or when that day will be.  The real question is:   Will we choose to live before that day arrives?

My hope and prayer is that you choose wisely.

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

YOU CAN BE ANYTHING IN LIFE…ONCE YOU DECIDE TO NOT BE WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE

Don’t be one of the majority of humans who spends their entire life trying to live up to their parent’s expectations, or what society attempts to mold them into. Don’t become what your boss or job demands of you.   Definitely don’t turn into the person your pastor or religion insists is proper.

None of them are going to die on YOUR deathbed. You are.

None of them are going to intercede for you at the “Final Judgment.”  You must give your own account of how you spent your life. And Why.  And none will live with the innumerable regrets that you failed to become want you always dreamed and what you most wanted.

We will.

That’s not a typo: We, the other 8 billion of us who share this planet with you, We will regret that choice.

Luckily This Man Didn't 'Play It Safe' or He Wouldn't Have Revolutionized The World.

Luckily This Man Didn’t ‘Play It Safe’ or He Wouldn’t Have Revolutionized The World.

We will regret the fact that you were supposed to find the cure for cancer…but you became a lawyer . . .  because your mom insisted you go to law school.

We will regret you didn’t save an innocent person from the death penalty…because all the men in your family became doctors.  So you did, too.   Even though you really don’t care that much for medicine.

We will regret the fact your leadership could have ushered in world peace…but your religion teaches that only bad people seek fame and power. So you didn’t run for president.

We will lament that you did not become who you are.

We are all designed for greatness: whether on the grandest world stage – or ‘merely’ being an excellent mom, awesome co-worker, nurturing wife, and the neighbor where all the kids want to hang out.

Maybe you are a dreamer.   Not the hard worker and meticulous student. DREAM!

Maybe you are not serious and responsible. Like most musicians. PLAY and SING!

Maybe you feel going to church or synagogue each week is a waste of time. THEN HONOR GOD AND GO DO WHAT MAKES YOU COME ALIVE!! Do you really believe God is so small and petty that He wants your forced ‘allegiance.’ He could have compelled that if He is truly God.   Instead, He gave you free will.   Why? Because He wants you to be FREE! He wants you to become…whoever YOU want to be.

And you are not free if you are pursuing your life on the basis of what someone else wants. Quit living your parent’s or pastor’s or boss’ life. It is time to live your life!

Be 'Secure' or Who You Really Are?

Be ‘Secure’ or Who You Really Are?

I know, I know: You have to. You need that “secure, safe career” and that corporate cubicle where you don’t make a difference, but it’s what you should do so you can ‘be secure.”

NEWSFLASH:   There is NO security in this world.   Your job, spouse, kids, home, freedom . . . everything could be gone at any instant. You KNOW this is true. The only security that exists is knowing you showed up. That even when life tried to pummel you, you weathered the storm on Your Terms. Doing exactly what You Wanted To Do.

Remember, the people telling you how to live your life are telling you what they think would bring you happiness.

But only you can decide what makes you happy.

Choose wisely.

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

Facebook Jason Scot Blackburn Prefixed Life

 

 

This was Part 1 of 2.  Continue by reading Part 2 – BE HAPPY:  BECOME WHOEVER YOU WISH!

GREAT SUCCESS IS GUARANTEED BY DOING THIS ONE EASY THING

What Do You Dare To Dream?

What Do You Dare To Dream?

Brian Tracy, the acclaimed business success and personal development guru, says that the ability to concentrate single-mindedly on your most important task, to do it well, and to finish it completely is the key to great success, achievement, respect, status, and happiness in life.

THE KEY TO SUCCESS, ACHIEVEMENT, RESPECT, STATUS, AND HAPPINESS IN LIFE

  1. Concentrating Single-Mindedly on Your Most Important Task

  2. Doing it Well

  3. Finishing it Completely Before Moving on To Another Task            – Brian Tracy, Eat That Frog

In his book, Eat That Frog!, Mr. Tracy lays out the 21 most powerful personal effective techniques to keep you focused upon and in line with the above ideas.  Eat That Frog! is a quick yet great read that will open your mind and will unquestionably enhance your effectiveness in every area of your life.

Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy

Eat That Frog! by Brian Tracy

If you have not read Eat That Frog!, you should do so immediately.  If you have read it, you should do so again.

The faster you learn and apply the well-explained techniques in this book, the faster you will get ahead in every area of your life, and the sooner you will accomplish your purpose in Life.

Here is a great link to give you an overview of what you will find in Eat That Frog!.  But don’t settle for just the summary, get Mr. Tracy’s book, read it, read it again, and apply it to every area of your life.  Then read it again.

I guarantee you will be happy you did.

From my heart to yours,

Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn

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