Blog Archives
I DON’T THINK MY NEPHEW IS READY TO BE BAPTIZED
Dear Prefixed Life,
Decision Time: What Should I do?
My nephew ******** is supposed to be baptized in a month. His parents are good people but they don’t attend church. They don’t think my nephew is ready to be baptized because he still does a bunch of stuff that typical 13-year old boys do and they think he will be a bad example for others of how a baptized Christian is supposed to act. They won’t forbid him from being baptized, but they want me to speak with him since we go to the same church and see if I can get him to wait until he is more mature.
I agree that he should perhaps wait a year or so, but I think his parents should talk to him about this; not me.
Do you think I speak to him? And, if so, what should I say to him?
Misha in Los Angeles
Am I Ready to Be Baptized?
Dear Misha,
Thank you for taking your valuable time to write the Prefixed Life and entrusting us to opine on this question that is clearly important to you, your nephew, and your nephew’s parents.
First, definitely speak with him.
But notice I said speak with him. Not speak to him. The difference is huge…especially to a 13-year old.
Teenagers need our love and our attention. But more than anything, most teenagers need acceptance and to know grown-ups care about them during this awkward stage of their lives.
Speak with him. But not because you have an agenda to push on him with regard to baptism. Speak with him because you like him, you care about him, and you enjoy spending time with him. If the conversation happens to turn to baptism (and only if it naturally goes there — no reason to force it), be prepared with a few questions to ask him about it.
Then all of you have to do is:
Be interested.
Don’t fake being interested so you can get to the part where you deliver your advice.
Actually be interested.
Although we would like to think that kids act and behave how their parents have been raised them, modern studies tend to show otherwise. The truth is that the majority of kids who are in their early teens tend to think, speak, and behave in the matter which the grown-ups in their life expect them to.
If you want him to mature and “be an example of a proper Christian” preaching at him won’t work. Depending on how influential you are in his life, he may follow your advice whatever it is. But, ultimately, that would not be a good thing. He should not be living his life to please his parents, or Auntie Misha, or his religion’s dictates.
This is his life, and his decision, and his relationship with his God.
Do we go to church to seek God, or the other way around?
If you want him to mature or act better, then decide how you would treat him if he was “the model Christian.” And treat him accordingly. If you give him the advice that he should wait for a year what you are subtly communicating to him is that he is not mature, and that is not ready to have a relationship with God, and that since he is still a sinner he is not yet ready for a deeper connection with God.
But if, instead, you treat him like he is already a mature follower-of-God and communicate that because of his status with God and his maturity; you might be shocked how quickly he steps us and fills those roles.
True Love never seeks to persuade others to do what we want them to do. True Love always empowers others to find out who they are. And become that. And True Love accepts their decision, accepts them, encourages them, and cares. Always.
That is what Love is.
This might be hard for you to accept. If you cannot accept it, then do not. You obviously care a lot about this young man and his parents. All three are blessed to have you in their life. As long as you demonstrate that you care, accept, and Love all three of them — any decision you make — will be the right one.
One final thought: We often develop the thought that we need to “clean ourselves up” before we go to God. I don’t know any religion that actually teaches this. God accepts us and loves us exactly as we are. If we wait to go to God because we aren’t mature enough or still commit sins or don’t attend church regularly enough, or any other reason — we don’t yet understand God and what God is all about.
We go to God and then He will help us become better. Trying to become better so God will accept us . . . defeats the purpose . . . and quite often results in us never actually making the decision to go to God.
I wish you, your nephew, and your nephew’s folks all the best — and will keep a good thought for all of you. If your nephew does decide to be baptized, please let me know when and where that will occur. I would be honored to witness a young man publicly declare he wishes to become better by deepening his relationship to our Tender Creator.
From my heart to yours,
Scotty b.
TRUE LOVE IS A DECISION NOT A FEELING
Each of us wants authentic Love. We witness the search for Love all around us. We, ourselves, hunt for it in our family life, friendships, religions, boyfriend/girlfriends, and in our marriages. But it often eludes us. Many of us never find Love.
Why is True Love so elusive?
The answer is because most of us have bought into the idea promulgated on movies and on the television that Love begins and ends with a feeling. But True Love is not a feeling. True Love does not begin with a feeling. True, or Agape, Love begins with a decision. Agape Love is a decision to deem the needs of others’ on par with our own needs. True Love is the willingness to Live sacrificially and to give without expecting anything in return (and often times, that is exactly what you will receive in return – at least in the manner that humans consider such things).
True, or Agape, Love begins with a decision.
While Agape does not begin with feelings and is not based on feelings, feelings of True Love follow our decision to live in a State of Agape. Once the decision is made to Live Life caring for the needs of others as if they were our own needs, our lives begin to be filled with not just Love; but with Joy, Truth, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Don’t think this is a painless or easy process, however. It is often a thorny issue to overcome the obstacles to Love that all of us have erected as self-defense mechanisms against past wounds, hurts, disappointments, and rejections. One of the most important things we can do when embarking on a Journey to True Love is committing to Forgiveness.
By searching our souls and asking the forgiveness of those we have offended – God, Others, and especially Ourselves — we become able to move beyond the cycle of acrimony and animosity present in our Lives and embrace Agape.
Hand-in-hand with forgiveness is the concept of personal responsibility. So often, with our human pride, ego, and jealousy intact we wish to point the finger at someone else and lay the blame for our problems at their feet. But doing so, always separate us from True Love… and these things are almost always untrue. This is incredibly hard to accept sometimes. No one wants to believe that they are 100% responsible for everything in their Life.
And perhaps it is even technically incorrect from time-to-time. However, when I reach the place where instead of blaming my boss, or parents, or friend, or enemy, or co-worker, or my upbringing, or my Church culture, or the weather, or my financial condition, etc. etc. – and instead my immediate thoughts and words are, “I AM responsible!” I begin to witness my Life change in ways I could not imagine!
Why is this?
Because I cannot ‘fix’ anything I don’t believe is broken.
Become 100% Responsible for EVERYTHING in Your Life!
I cannot ‘fix’ anything I don’t believe is broken.
When I point the finger at someone else, or a circumstance, or nature, or even God or religion – what I am truly saying to the universe is that I am NOT responsible. I am saying that “he” or “she” or “they” or “it” did this thing that is causing my Life to suck.
As soon as I mature enough to say, “hey, my Life is not where I want it to be. What do I not like about it?”
And, then, no matter what the answer is: I immediately claim responsibility . . . I become 100% able to fix it…often very easily! Something I was completely incapable of doing seconds before I took 100% responsibility. It is surprisingly easy once I get into the habit of doing this, but my pride resists this fiercely until I get into this habit!
I failed the pop quiz? I AM 100% responsible.
My tire went flat in the middle of nowhere? I AM 100% responsible.
My girlfriend cheated on me? I AM 100% responsible.
I got fired, played a bad round of golf, had a dismal presentation at work, didn’t get a raise I should have received, my boyfriend hated the Christmas present I got him, my wife burned dinner this evening, my bank account is short $1,000. . .
I AM 100% RESPONSIBLE!
Once I can do this. Once I become responsible and forgive myself and others for everything that happens in my Life, Agape flows in and True Love is suddenly all around me. As I act with humility instead of blame, I find freedom and liberation to look beyond my own selfish desires to take hold of a Brother’s or Sister’s hand and help them.
True Love is not a feeling. True Love is a decision; perhaps a series of decisions.
And though it is initially painful; it is soooooooooo worth it.
Try it and see. It just might change everything.
In Love,
Scotty b.
INTERACTIVE QUIZ: WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE, TRUTH and JOY?
DISEMBODIED VOICE: “Today, from gorgeous, rainy, Babylon, er, uh, I mean . . .Southern California, it’s time to play everybody’s faaaaavorite blogging game show . . . THE OPPOSITE GAME!
Where, today, one lucky contestant wiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllll win, the opposite of a trip to Israel and the opposite of ONE-MILLION DOLLARS!
. . . And, now, here’s your host of THE OPPOSITE GAME . . . Ann Tipodes.”
ANN: “Thank you and welcome to THE OPPOSITE GAME! You know how the game is played. And you know the RULES.
And, by rules, I mean those pesky, annoying, little things that we all have to pretend to follow perfectly. And even though we know we all fall short, we still grit our teeth and white knuckle all our little Christian behaviors — in the hopes that we will either fool God Almighty, or at least that He will find “that we have tried hard enough” and therefore be acceptable to Him via our Self-Righteousness . . .
Even though we have all been clearly informed that Trust in Jesus is the ONLY PATH to Salvation. And once on THE PATH our lives automatically begin to fall in line with the Rules . . .
But have we forgotten that observing rules in the hope of finding THE PATH to Jesus IS THE OPPOSITE of the New Testament Gospel?!? (If so, perhaps we should quickly read Galatians Chapter 3 again!)
Have we taken the Gospel, literally meaning “Good News” – and turned it into THE OPPOSITE – that we must merit our way to Heaven?!? Because, if so, we all have major problems since we all have sinned and fallen short of the Demands of the Law. And anybody who says they do not sin is a liar and the Truth does not Live within them.
So, without further delay – or sermonizing – here are our questions for today. Good luck and good knowledge. . .
Scotty b.
about.me/AttorneyBlackburn
And thank you for playing THE OPPOSITE GAME!”
Each Correct Answer is Worth the Opposite of Ten Points:
and, your FINAL QUESTION, worth the Opposite of Fifty Bonus Points!
Thank you again for playing THE OPPOSITE GAME! If you are The Winner, feel free to send your one-million dollars via check, money order, or bank draft (NOTE: we cannot except cash over $500,000 in a single envelope) to:
MY TREASURE IS IN HEAVEN, LLC
7 TrustinHimalone Way, Suite 77
TrueAgapeJoy, California 77777
WHAT COUNTS IS WHO YOU ARE BECOMING
“Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, ‘Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?’” – Matthew 19:16 NIV
When I read about the “rich young ruler” from Matthew 19, I sometimes get sucked into the things about him that make him likeable. This man has the world by the tail. He is young and already “made it.” He is rich and has power and authority. You get the sense that his presence and poise are off the chart. He certainly has been taught the best manners, is charismatic and has a great outlook on Life.
You might say he has a dream life. He is the guy that every man wants to be.
And he is the guy that gets any lady he desires.
He is the alpha male.
I find myself wishing I had that guy’s life.
Or, maybe, wishing I had the house on the corner when I drive through Beverly Hills. Or had more money. Or was more important. Or was better educated. Or better athletic abilities. Or . . . well, the list goes on for quite awhile . . .
But notice the question he asks Jesus in Matthew 19:16: ‘What good deed can I do to ensure I go to Heaven?’
Did he really ask what “good” thing can he do? Is that what going to Heaven is about? Do we forget so easily that Being Saved is about Who We Are more than What We Do. And even Who We Are counts very little compared to Who Came To Save Us!
Yes, I know. In your House of Worship . . .and in mine, too – we give lip service to “grace” or “God’s Love” or “the Plan of Redemption.” And yet, it doesn’t take very long to hear a conversation where we have again forgotten that God has better things to do than walk around like a despised foreman with a clipboard: Always on the lookout for someone who is not doing their job properly.
God doesn’t send out his Angelic task force to take notes every time we screw up. He doesn’t stay up late at night to ensure He sees when we decide shalt-ing is more fun, even when we know we should be ‘thou shalt not-ing.”
I often mess this up in reverse, too. I tend to become so very pleased with myself when I do something great – or even mildly good.
And, of course, somewhere on the inside I am just sure that their must be loud celebratory trumpet fanfares in Heaven denoting my good work. On the inside I smile smugly because I know that God has been watching . . . and God must think I am all that and a bag of honoring-you-parents-while-not-taking-God’s-name-in-vain right about now.
Until, that is, I remember that if I gave a million dollars to church while saving an animal and an elderly lady and doing this while reciting a memory verse – and not bearing false witness or coveting . . . well, God can and does much greater things all the time. He is NOT impressed.
Nope, not even a tiny bit.
Something about my Righteousness and filthy rags I sometimes hear in a small whisper.
Fortunately, that whisper is usually drowned out by that Trumpet Fanfare that is crescendo-ing right now! Yay me!
No. God is not the Big Scorekeeper in the sky. We are going to screw up – and He yearns to have us ask forgiveness as soon as we are able. But not for His ego. So that we can be rid of the shame of our mistake and go back to living a great life! And sometimes we are going to do something fantastic. But this does not merit an entry on the imagined scorecard God keeps for all humans.
God Loves us so much! What He really cares about is who we are and who we are becoming. It is why we face challenges and why we must confront the things we fear. If we don’t, we will always be stuck in our comfort zone and we never become all we can truly be.
God knows this. It is why he allows us to face Life’s difficulties.
Oh, back to the enviable young man that spoke to Jesus in Matthew 19.
Did you notice how Jesus responds to him?
Jesus does not call him out for his sins. He doesn’t put him down. Jesus doesn’t write a blog posts with trumpet references.
At the same time, He does not shower him with affection or praise, either. See, God is not into either one. He doesn’t pile on the guilt when we screw things up, nor does He lavish the praises when we get it right. God does what he always does: suggests ways we can improve and be a little bit better today than we were yesterday.
Jesus pointed something out to this man that he could not do. Perhaps he was not quite as ‘good’ as he had thought himself.
Or, perhaps he was. I honestly don’t know.
What I do know is that as long as we are alive, we can get better. There is always more to learn, more to experience, more to reflect upon, more ways to build up our character and become more like Jesus. More ways to help those around us. More ways to Trust. More ways to Love. More ways to live our lives with Respect for everybody. More to learn about living in Peace and Joy.
At the end of the day, it is not our ‘stuff’ that makes us happy. Ask any rich person and they will confirm that. What makes us happy is who we are and who we are becoming. Period. In fact, most people who are rich got that way by passionately pursuing something that they Love…and the riches were a by-product of that passion.
The only thing we take with us to Heaven is our character. More than that, it is the sole indicator of whether we will be happy or miserable, industrious or lazy, rich or poor.
As the late, great, Jim Rohn might say:
“Don’t wish it was easier; wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems; wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges; wish for more wisdom.”
“I used to say, “I sure hope things will change.” Then I learned that the only way things are going to change for me is when I change.”
“If you don’t like how things are, change it! If you don’t like your circumstances, change them! If you don’t like your address, move. You’re not a tree.“
From my heart to yours,
The Prefixed Life 